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Things will happen . . .

Things will happen, your time will come, just you wait and see. All the cliche responses I get when I get a little frustrated by the lack of romance or women in my life. My life was pretty rough for a while, well I say rough it was mostly self inflicted although I couldn’t tell you why, I don’t quite understand looking back, but the main thing that is missing in my life now, is a woman, someone to share my life with.

This is just my little rant about those phrases, my gran always said “Don’t chase women” I still believe this to be sound advice, but only to a certain point, I think once a women gives you some signals, if you don’t act, she quickly moves on and I doubt it is a good move to wait for her to do it all. I often got told you’re such a nice guy there is bound to be someone for you, well news for ya ladies, if all women are thinking that same thing, then there won’t be, someone has to take the plunge and not think like you. I have had some luck, I once got told a friendship that grows into something is a good way, never believed it but recently something came out of a long friendship, admittedly it now feels like that was a bad idea, but it showed to me it is possible.

Hung up on the same woman since about 7 years ago, but always knowing deep down if it was going to happen, it would have by now, we passed like ships in the night and though we may still be close, or were, I can’t help but feel we both fucked up with this one. So sitting content with  my creative juices writing, making music, gaming, doing videos without the obsession or thought of a woman in my mind, it get’s broken by someone giving me a signal, I jump on it, whether I was right or wrong to, she backs off claims confusion or denies giving the signal either way I take the blame, or rather have to suffer the defeat, while she either moves on or goes back seemingly without a care, am sure she still cares and probably suffers a little too, but I don’t know because communication was already mediocre at best and that for sure hasn’t got any better.

I am for a man of almost 30 somewhat young in my mind, in a sense of shall we say maturity, especially sexual and/or romantic maturity, but that is I think 50% true. I have a much older sense of respect and self that somewhat cripples the development of my romantic side. I feel there is a risk taker, charlie sheen don’t give a fuck twat deep down somewhere that would woo many ladies off their feet with my wit and charm, but my crippled confidence, outlook and  bitterness combine with this to create a socially awkward open book, as easily readible as a harry potter novel. I am a catch I don’t doubt, but it is the distinguished strange fisherwoman that rarely comes along that will find the beauty in this particular fish.

I have been told I need to spruce myself up a bit, maybe get some baubles to darn the old twigs as they don’t say. I have a way of words on here, but in female company, I stumble and stutter or simply stay quiet, until comfortable, then fall flat on my face in rushed conversation and foot in mouth syndrome, I kid you not, this guy is not as smooth as you might first think.

I’d like to think, as a result of my rant someone out there knows they are not the only awkward guy or girl frustrated with not being the all singing all dancing wizard with the opposite sex, that we might be alone, but we are not completely alone.

 

The Dalek Dream

So one morning this week I awoke from a dream in which I was in a real life doctor who dalek episode, not a tv episode, or maybe it was, but it felt like mine, like an idea, something I should write down soon as I woke up, it stems somewhat I think from the David Tennant episodes where he disappears, dies or is erased from time.

A very intelligent and clever scientist or visionary, I don’t know much about him, stood alone against the daleks, in a war torn world, shouting that they once had a man who stood against the daleks, protected earth and humankind from their evil, but he is gone now, so now it is his turn, part of me thinks I may have seen it from his perspective at this point looking back.

I don’t know what it was he was going to do, I have theories, ideas. It felt like he had a device much like the moment, connected to the daleks dna wavelength for want of a better phrase. He felt like he was immensely angry, somewhat like the war doctor and david tennant, somewhat unhinged like The Master but with a moral high ground, a righteous glow about him. He had no fear, yet he knew if they acted quickly he would fail.

I feel that he maybe a fitting end to his story as I woke up before it ended, would have been for him to reach the button or activate the device as the daleks fired, causing him to die but eliminate them all too. Then the Doctor’s Tardis would land in the spot where he lay, either take him to Gallifrey, for a hero’s burial, or maybe there is an honour far beyond that, maybe he could be the first human timelord, the whoniverse knows the rumours that the doctor is part human, maybe just maybe, he isn’t  the only one, or maybe this is the story of how he came to be!

 

 

 

After an evening of Titanfall 2

Running walls, diving across canyons, fighting in the dome.

Tonight I was in a rage with puzzles, almost out of my comfort zone

I persevered, made it through even though I uttered a curse or two

This campaign is quite a treat, it makes a change from getting owned a multiplayer

But now it is time for sleep!

Rimworld – my latest game

Hey guys, just a quick reminder to old readers and a welcome to the new, I do a bit of streaming and youtubing sometimes, this is my latest game I am recording content of, thought I’d share it with you guys.

Feel free to go check out my channel, sometimes I will use twitch aswell, Youtube has a strangely aggressive policy on copyright, language and content, which sometimes restricts me, I like to rage and I do swear from time to time. Hope you enjoy watching.

 

Thanks for stopping by,

Pixc

She

She who reads your message then doesn’t reply, she who seems up for the crack but then never get’s back, she who expects you to chase but still wants space, she is the one to be wary of. Not the slutty dancer, the local bike, because with them you know where you stand, well clear, away from the drama. She is hopeful potential with a hint of instant catastrophe, a  mocktail with a hidden shot of absinthe, the lie festering beneath her well veiled eyes, she is everywhere, she is her who doesn’t know what she wants.

Fire

I am looking to find some lyrics to build a piece of music that will be my title piece either of an album or of my whole alias known as Noroch, which is the word of power that brings to the speaker White Fire, not any nazi, earth based racist thing, but just as it sounds white fire, that can kill the darkest foes in the magical world of Pellinor written by Alison Croggon.

Burn, through magical fire feast on the darkened spirits that dwell in my lands.

Eat their almost flesh before they ravage my lands

Noroch

Cleanse the land, keep the light flowing

Tend to the corruption in our straying brothers

Noroch

Hear my words of power, guide the corrupt to their salvation

Resurrect the purest, truest to the light, keep the fire burning

Noroch!

Balance

What goes up must come down, as with drugs, as with emotions.

Realise a beautiful high, then suffer in silence.

Even a murderer, exultant in revenge must endure the remainder in pain.

Balance is a fickle weighing scale that constantly fights against our will to be happy.

Often we are ok, this never changes much because it is balanced, we are level.

If we are given great strength but are unable to control it, we will cause damage and suffer ourselves. If we control it, we can see a gain, as long as it is hidden, we will feel the benefit from it.

I just wanted to ramble, balance is on my mind, as this weekend has since saturday night been trying to balance out, what originally was a brilliant weekend.

Thanks for reading,

Pixc