Allsorts of Stuff

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How can I?

You can’t play on broken strings, here without you, it’s impossible,  the way you do the things you do.

Mamny Rivers to Cross, You could meet somebody, rewind, all of me, last request.

Dancing on my own.

In other words, how can I go on without you, it’s impossible, the way you do the things you do, I’ve got many rivers to cross, they say you could meet somebody, but I doubt I will, can’t we just rewind, this is my last request, grant it, let me hold you.

I’m much like the Doctor, I don’t do goodbyes, I  don’t do endings, I don’t like them, I always felt like an island, I wish you’d let me be there, while you fix you, I don’t mind if you nag me, I want to know.

How can I let go? Though I know I have to, I want you to stop me, for the right reasons, for me and for you.

You can’t play on broken strings, I know I can’t make your heart feell anything, but if it is buried beneath all your pain, maybe we can find it together.

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Torn, Blues and Broken

So once again, trying to pick things up started working on something music wise that sounds great, in the same vein as some of my other dubstep stuff. However, as with anything what goes up must come down. only with me it seems through the floor and barely with foundations.

I don’t like the fact that my blog often becomes a torrent of sadness and clutching at straws I can barely hold. I am under no illusions I am worth more than this. Can’t help the way you feel, can’t change the way anyone else feels, only they can do the latter and only I can try to fix the former. Neither appear to be in my power. Just got back from a great gig, some talented musicians playing. All it did was remind me of my own pain, still enjoyed it, wouldn’t change it.

Every song seems to be a dagger, carving another tiny piece out of my heart, broken is a good term to describe how I’m feeling, but life is not all doom and gloom, I am working on me, getting to the gym a bit, hopefully I can keep motivated, have a good gym buddy and possible more on the horizon. Twitch is hopefully continuing next weekend onwards, hopefully work on the track and get something on soundcloud or somewhere soon.

Thanks for reading, keep it locked,

Pixc

Don’t Starve and Distraction

o guys, this evening I wanted to write something, mainly to distract my head from what irks me this evening, I have read books and done meditation exercises to help me stop thinking about certain things, to avoid non-useful thoughts, but it isn’t always easy. However writing sometimes helps.

So Don’t Starve is back in my mostly playing right now  games, after a long break. I have been watching Stumpt and Skye Storme, thanks guys, delve into the world of Together and Shipwrecked respectively, learning more, practicing my kiting and exploring the worlds best I can.

I am trying out the new Home Sea Home update on the PC, whilst  trying to unlock all the characters and both ps4 and pc, dabbling in Together when I get chance, if I can drag friends along, all the better.  Not all I’ve been playing, I did stick Mario Kart on briefly, which was fun.

So I got the golden key out of Yaarctopus on the second session and possibly the third time trading with him, but it was the first time I used a live tropical fish, this is one third of how to get woodlegs, unforunately I died, which is a shame, but I know its doable. I also think if you don’t find him early on make another small camp on the nearest island, should help you get what you need if hes miles away from your base.

I will possibly post another update, but in the mean time feel free to check out my youtube, where most of my gaming content is!

Thanks for reading,

Pixc

Reflect, in both directions

Today I found myself popping to Tesco to get my ingredients for Harrira, a recipe given to me by a friend early this week, looking forwarding to it, eager to spend today writing, gaming/streaming, cooking this dish and generally enjoying myself, but constantly hounded by this “black dog” or “dark cloud” reminding me what I really want to be doing, or rather who I really want to be doing it with, if you pardon the pun.

I use this blog as an escape, an exit path for all the negative or darker thoughts, sometimes the nice ones too, but to reflect on the past, present and future. A friend of mine is heading out a new adventure, scary stuff I’m not sure I could deal with, so good luck to her!

Trying to eat a bit healthier from now on, though not being strict about it as last night was a takeaway which I am still polishing off today. Curry on a pizza has got to be one of my favourite takeaway dishes these days.

So streaming, what’s coming? Well I think Don’t Starve will be my main game at the moment, I got back into it and am loving it trying to get better at fighting mobs and learn fully how to heal up, it feels like I may need to use the PC version to learn what is really useful using mods then get back on console,  or maybe I use my xbox pad on pc? who knows.  Check my channel here.

Thanks for reading guys,

Pixc aka AlwaysMuteTheWeirdo

Reflection, the end is nigh!

So, almost the end of another year, figured as I am still awake, a little reflection is in order. This year has flown by, I don’t remember much of the details, not sure if that is because of my foggy focus this late in the year or just that nothing much interesting has happened.

I did hit 300+ hours into Rimworld one of my favourite games ever now, what a beauty! I am looking into changing up my diet, trying to be healthier, mainly as I have put on a lot of weight over the last few years and would like to at least lose a bit of that. I did need to gain some, but not as much as this dammit! I also figure losing a bit will benefit me not only physically but mentally too. Owe that life lesson to Promoe – Fit Haffi Fit or something, great song, sure I shared it in another post.

Music was my goal this year, it has not happened although I did pick up a Push 2, which I have yet to dive deep into, I want still to get back on the proverbial saddle so to speak, of music production and finish some tracks, but it is not easy working a full time job and gaming when I can to squeeze it all in, trying to be more social too, last few months have been a success on that score spent more time out of the house hanging out than in a very long time.

Highlights more recently included staying out Christmas Eve drinking til 4am ish then not getting back to my folks til nearly 8am, doing Christmas Day on less than 2 hours sleep. To be honest these days Christmas just feels weak, nothing special. Sad but true I guess. Going to Egypt for my 30th was a real treat, didn’t do the whole touristy egypty things, pyramids etc, but for March, the weather was great, food was great, two amazing birthday cakes courtesy of Makadi Spa Hotel and the Thai Restaurant in the sister hotel.

It has been a pleasure to help at least two close friends of mine with their own life struggles, they have helped me in return too might I add. Much appreciated.  Through all the ups and downs of the year, thanks to all who shared with me, all that have lead me to it and to those suffering at this difficult time of year, YANA!

Thanks for reading,

Pixc

Change is coming

End of the year is upon us, for me this has been one of the fastest, trying not to focus on the bad has been a challenge, work is uncertain, friends sometimes unreliable, love hard to come by. I know a lot of people can relate, music, is one of few salvations for me, i bought a new push 2 bjt am het to fully dive in to it.

Balance, discipline and focus do not come easy to me, i hope for this to change. One other thing tied to that is my diet and general health, i want to cut out processed meats, eat better and exercise more, but for me.

I could go on but i fear i would rant negativity and waffle emotionally, change is coming i promise you that

music, heart and stress

work in a place where they breed robots, to control the cattle, to the slaughter when times get together, life still rolls on, tease a possibility of me and you then i must come down, every song a pull, every realization it won’t ever be what i dreamt of, heart in a vice, mind under pressure, body strained, just words nothing i can say