work in a place where they breed robots, to control the cattle, to the slaughter when times get together, life still rolls on, tease a possibility of me and you then i must come down, every song a pull, every realization it won’t ever be what i dreamt of, heart in a vice, mind under pressure, body strained, just words nothing i can say
Figured I’d throw something a little different out there. I don’t know how many of my readers, people who just drop by or might read this one post and never come back will read this, but here goes. How many of you liked Heroes or Misfits or like something different, how many of you just want something new to watch?
Well if you haven’t already, there is a show with currently two seasons on Netflix and a special is in the works. I hear that the writer has a third season being wrote, possibly even finished, but Netflix is not too keen on renewing it. I hope that this can change, I want to level with you, I want to be straight.
I was a massive fan of heroes, it did get overly complicated and I can relate if you don’t feel another show in a similar vein is for you. Hear me out, the plot is that a group of humans, are reborn as sens8s which means they are connected, in a sort of cluster which can share skills, I won’t go into too much detail but it is an emotional rollercoaster. When I first started watching it took a little wrapping my head around, stick with it, it is worth it in the end. I compared it instantly to Misfits and Heroes for it’s unique ideas, the show deserves to go further than the two seasons. I think the problem is Netflix need to see statistics and numbers, I’d even expect it may show elsewhere if not, but if you do have Netflix, please give it a try. If you like it, I’d love for you drop a comment on here or tell some friends to watch it, I converted at least one friend already to get in on it.
Thanks for reading,
So as many of you may already know I am a massive gamer, whether it is online or offline, shooter or city builder, love to just take some time out and game for hours. I usually write emotional personal stuff on here, but today I wanna talk gaming!
So in my world of gaming recently, I have been delving into a lot of different games, but the first thing that came up this last week was a game I watched Stumpt play. Decksplash, yeah I had trouble typing that, felt as am sure you will agree like it should be called Dicksplash, well I listened to their thoughts I watched the gameplay and I thought, this is something cool, this could be a lot of fun, the splatoon mixed with Tony Hawks vibe really struck a chord with me. So I thought head to steam and add it to my wishlist. To my surprise however, I found this game has been canned, cancelled, they did 1 week of free access on steam, expecting to get 100,000 players in that time, if not bye bye Decksplash, well it got 36000 apparently, so no more Decksplash. Here is the thing, I had no idea this game existed until I saw Stumpt played it, I also probably caught that particular video of theirs a week or so after it was released, we all have lives ya know? So as much I agree a multiplayer game needs a good player base, expecting it to happen by a free week on steam, not sure it was the wisest move, little faith in the project, little ambition to make it succeed. Time is money seemed to be their arguement but I have never heard of the studio really, I have heard of two of their titles, but this game i liked more than either, I think a longer time frame or more effort in letting people know about it might have resulted in better draw so to speak. I wish developers didn’t do silly stunts like this but a free week had I known would have been a nice consolation prize.
Onwards though, I still sit here with a sily long list of games to dabble in, across a few different platforms, blasting out the psytrance, going back to fifa, wrestling and borderlands more than anything. Impatiently waiting Borderlands next installment and oh let’s not forget sinking hundreds of hours into Rimworld, testing out the Alpha 18 unstable build, in fact I may go stream some more of that now.
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Thanks for reading,
Do I stay or do I go?
I can’t give up, I don’t want to give up
Surely if it was going to happen it has had enough time?
But if the timing hasn’t been right, might it be in the future?
What ifs and but this and that, I’ll never stop hoping
If someone would just come along and drag me away
How could I even think that? Why would I even consider that?
I don’t deserve her, hang on a minute, she doesn’t deserve me
How could I even think that of her, what is happening to me
She told me to go, but she obviously doesn’t want me to
So there is hope, nope she wants something else, she needs you but its not the same
But I can’t it’s all or nothing, wait that is silly, would you not rather have her in your life?
I don’t know, Shroedingers Cat? Yeah exactly, we should try it, then I will know?
I didn’t last, I caved, I can’t have what I want, but I can give her what she wants
But never settle I said, never settle, I now have to
Where is she? Will she rescue me? Would I even want her to?
What kind of bullshit is this, wanting someone to rescue you from this?
How could you even expect anyone to be ok with this?
Also you try and try and try again, they don’t stick around or you push them away
So what that’s it, no answers?
Nope just question and you, focus on you if you can
Well that’s ironic
a short mind dump about where my head is at right now and kind of a conversation I have with myself often
Thanks for reading,
So just about to finish my week off from work, well plus two days, it’s actually those two days that were more enjoyable, the rest of it, I felt like I mostly wasted it, but I got chance to game, stay up late, lie in, ruin my routine even though I said I wanted to keeep to it and try churn out some videos for my channel.
Admittedly I did get a fair few videos done, Rimworld has seen some serious attention again, which I must admit is one of my favourite games of all time, especially when you add the mods to it. Feel free to go check out my channel to see why.
Aside from that trying to take steps in disciplining myelf not only with housework and general stuff, but my love life, is proving a tough task. I’m not sure if it is my dyspraxia but my emotions are strong and mixed, anger seething through but wrapped up in some kind of cosy blanket of sadness mixed with happiness and the ocassional sprinkling of excitement and dread, I can’t seem to chill out, I don’t want to be numb, but just once every so often I’d like a break. Hopefully have some good news when I return to work tomorrow.
In the mean time still working on my discipline and routine. I want to get organised, I often feel like though I like my job, I don’t want to do it at the expense of doing what I love, gaming, making music and streaming it all. It is a hard nut to crack, I’m no expert and I’m certainly no Jack Septiceye or Markyplier.
So I keep learning from everyone I come into contact with and everyone I stay in contact with, I learn from my own experiences and try and reach the next level if you will,, the next success, soon one challenge might be complete one that gives a grounding from which to build. Discipline has so far eluded me, I want to conquer it, a song I find quite catchy has some wise words, uneexpectedly in it. About your mental health and physical health being connected, I’ll drop the video below.
Thank for reading!
Still struggling with losing a friend somewhat, recently an old friend and neighbour passed, I only found out over a month or so after, I don’t how to feel, but the one person I could always run to, I can’t run to.
I sit here typing this now because time and time again, just like tonight, I am shown whether exaggerated or not through my current state, that I am less important and less bothered about by friends than I bother with them, I get told the i’ll be there, get in touch cliche remarks, when shit is truely going to pot, they do seem to show up, but honestly I can’t say it feels great knowing life has to get to rock bottom before someone wants to get in touch or hang out, or maybe they feel pressured into hanging out, if I am really that boring, annoying or hard to be friends with, can you just tell me or say bye or something? I’m not perfect but this getting so frustrating and all I can do is type away to the unknown readers, I am not a flakey person, I don’t do flakey, I’m loyal, but is it at a fault these days, it seems so.
I’m not saying everyone I know is such a twat or that there aren’t good people in my life, but I refuse to be flakey like some people seem to be with me, if you need me even though I chose to walk away, even though you knew I needed to, I’ll still be on the other end of that phone, or with a brew to hand for you, as you know I’m not a big drinker of brews, but I refuse to flake on you even though I need to move on, it won’t ever stop hurting but when I feel the flake from others, I can’t imagine how you might feel, but I hope you read this and know I’m always here, thinking of you, wishing I didn’t have to do this.
So it’s been a while since I blogged my tangents stuff, life is a bit of a tangent for me right now, so I figured i’d revisit this style, I am currently in a good job, it’s not perfect but if it keeps going, I’ll be set to springboard from here, which is satisfying considering for years I never thought I’d manage to be where I am now.
I recently lost a friend, well for the time being, not a choice I wanted to make, i’m still struggling to stick to it, they ain’t dead, least I hope not, but I wasn’t in the right place for them, I was relying on them too much and it was hurting me, it was their idea but I don’t think they wanted or liked it, I owe them a lot, once am in the right place I hope to rebuild that bridge, still a little difficult, don’t think I’d have the strength to hold them off if they came back, honestly not a day goes by when I don’t wish we were still talking.
I’m debating whether to try my hand at paella, or as the spanish would prefer probably a spanish themed rice dish of my own design. I would probably go with Prawn and Chorizo with peppers, I’m not a fan of peas, though I did try paella from El Ranchito recently and that had peas in it, I was so keen on getting some I went to the only place I knew did it for takeaway. I’ve never been a massive fan of rice but over the years I’ve found dishes I love, egg fried rice, jasmine rice, with the right curry I am getting into it, think it stemmed from my dad not liking it.
Sticking with food, Hummus is proving addictive, recently tried smoked Hummus, not that keen, but it was nice to try it, think my favourites are sweet chill, red pepper or caramelised onion Hummus, if you like Hummus i’d definitely try something new, even sampled a morrocan one, with apricot, was interesting.
Picked up a nice new wallet from Thailand, made out of hemp, ideal for changes and notes, terrible for cards, just doesn’t support them as you can’t close it up once you put them in, but had to replace my other one as the zip on the change slot broke.
Well I think i’d like to wrap this up with some TV goings on, so Game of Thrones is back so far just setting the seen, good to have new episodes to watch though and am enjoying it so far. Then WW, not so keen on the way certain people are being used, seems Vince is a bit out of touch, some good stuff, like the fashion police, though I think they are stalling, might falter and fizzle then die, Brock Lesnar needs to drop that title at Summerslam, preferrably to Samoa Joe but Braun is an ok option too. Finally the elephant in the universe, The Doctor will next be played by a woman, Jodie Whittaker, she’s from my home town, I didn’t exactly jump for joy though. I have already taken some flak for my initial reaction, I was angry. Personally I feel the BBC is capitlizing on the current gender focused issues across the globe, the feminazis are out in force, I use that term, because true Feminists would not be as aggressive as I have experienced, sometimes its passive aggressive, but either way I have my opinion and you all have yours. I hope she does well, I look forward to anyone in the role, but always get a bit edgy at first as I am passionate and get heavily involved in speculating who it is going to be.
Thanks for reading,