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No Denying It

I have been trying for almost 10 years to walk away from her

Trying to move on, to stop feeling like I do

I have known for years, I probably won’t stop

There is no denying it, I’m crazy about her

I can doubt it, or is it that because I am alone in it, I can’t see the point

I have met many I like, a few I could see taking me away from her

But none follow it through, not complete the journey or even start it really

I still can’t deny it, I’m just too far gone

 

 

I’ve just noticed something . . .

So I was talking to a friend the other day, about games, while  playing Battlefield 1, thinking this is graphically impressive, but expectedly so, when we kind of realised, well I did at least, that most of my favourite newish games are indie games, not AAA titles.

Weird I know but, games like Banished, Rimworld, Prison Architect and Project Highrise are games I play a lot lately, they are all made by small teams. Even Cities Skylines has taken a backseat for the time being. They all have big community followings and mods on steam, is that what draws me to them. I I love building games I guess. I am even considering getting the GOG version of Theme Hospital to see what the open source version plays like, definitely worth roughly £5 for the nostalgia alone but add in the possibilities of new content and well surely we are onto a winner.

It does somewhat irk me that the games I love seem to either be indie or not very popular. Veering away from the indie let’s take Battleborn, a new MOBAish game with borderlands flavour that could given the right group of friends produce hours of fun but nobody is on the bandwagon, wrapped up in competitive spring rolls on Overwatch, I find myself paired with randoms who either have no clue, leave half way through  or have to carry me and eventually just leave me to die. I wish more of my friends owned it but the one that does is on xbone with me on ps4, the one that has it doesn’t have time to play it as he prefers other games, I get it, not the best of games, but it can be real fun. While I enjoy holding it down playing some operations on Battlefield 1, the frustration and anger is definitely consistent on that game, I just can’t seem to get many nice runs or good games.

I just wanted to share that is it not time AAA titles offered more than competitive multiplayer and great graphics? I long for Borderlands 3 where there is brilliant co-op, loot a plenty and a great story with characters, I do concede I have some AAA or there abouts titles I am still yet to play, including but not limited to, The Witcher, Mafia 3 and Watchdogs 2, but I am more excited for Constructor HD if I’m honest, fingers crossed for an easy mode on all maps!

Thanks for reading,

Pixc

unreciprocated

She is the light and the dark, the past, the present and future, but he is not hers, well not in the same way. He can’t see past her, can’t see without her, can’t see with her. He knows and he accepts, but still it doesn’t change, trapped in an emotional cage of his own making.

Looking back wonders if he could have changed the outcome, what would have happened, would they still be this close? would he be free? would he be with her still? What if rears it’s ugly head as always, all he wants is to step out of this, one way or another.

Another comes along, a chance to escape, he takes it, it was fake, not what it seemed, another mistake. Once again another chance to escape, once again, another fake, she was there all along helping him through it, trying to help him escape from her, is she who she seems.

They talk and he feels hope all the time, but always it is dashed on the cliffside as soon as he voices it, like she never knew she had given him such a thing.

Still he tries to escape, maybe his heart is not in it, maybe he can’t, either way he’ll keep trying, because she isn’t joining him in that desolate place they call love.

If you . .

IF you really like me then cut the bullshit I am too old for games

If you don’t want me as more than friend  then say, i will be there til the end

If you didn’t like what you saw, it wasn’t quite the peak you expected

Then jog on, I am worth more than that, you can find Mr Perfect elsewhere

If you tease me get my motor running then run away confused don’t blame me when someone else comes take my juice, cos one day someone will appreciate me and I will not hesitate to let loose, this was once for you, lady but you just couldn’r choose.

I hate the way that sounds I would much rather be sweet, but gals like someone who has a nobhead ish quality indeed, someone who makes them feel like shit not feel their in a dream

I was born to please one, but one does not exist so should I give it up and just look after me.

Met a lass from down south got  a boyfriend, but still appreciated me for who I am, maybe she sensed i was unlucky and tried to give me some confidence to make me plucky, either way I won’t forget, no go or not she made me think

I went out come home early, because like always nobody keeps up, saturday night the atmospheres sucks, just want me to come  out til something better comes along, whilst am wondering what the fuck went wrong,  I just wish for once my way, but never expected, so never regretted as I drift into space.

I ask all the readers to bow their heads in the respect of one, lost, tired of all the silly games.

 

Pixc

 

The evolution of WWE

Hi guys, I am going to delve a little into my own thoughts about the current evolution of the WWE landscape, I feel it might be interesting for people to hear what I have to say. First I want to say, I have been watching WWE since roughly 1999, I started later than a lot of my age group and have ocassionaly drifted from the shows. It is safe to say I don’t falter when people call it fake or staged, I know what it is and I still love it.

So the most recent developments is where I want to delve, I may draw on previous experiences, history may have some lessons for us but first let us look at WWE NXT. I didn’t start watching NXT from it’s very beginning I missed the Shield on NXT, the Wyatts, they probably inspired me to check the developmental brand of WWE out, I must say I am glad that I did. My favourite memories of NXT include a few surprises. Tyler Breeze with his selfie stick, a great heel who seemed to have a bright future, the problem for him, once he got to the main roster he quickly seemed to fade into nothing, his tag team with Fandango hasn’t been as good as it could have been, I didn’t dislike the pairing, it had it’s plus points but what did they do with them? I also liked the lone wolf Baron Corbin, he has the look and size that could work, but he is not being made out to be unstoppable like Braun he has been booked at least a little better since his arrival on the main roster. I won’t stop there, the women of NXT were by far the standouts, Bayley Sasha and Becky for me were just amazing, I was never a huge fan of Charlotte I could see talent but it didn’t stand out for me she wasn’t as relatable for me, I do think bringing 3 of them up all at once, although useful for a weak womens division on the main roster, weakened NXT a lot, the women left behind were a bit lacking, but I think it is mainly the writing for them, as since it is slowly improving again, Ember Moon is a really bright prospect who I think deserves the spot to take Asuka on next. Asuka is starving though and although Nikki Cross is capable, her current gimmick makes her look weak as a wrestler, or maybe it was the fact I just saw her squash an unknown on a road to a title match instead of build momentum against a member of the female roster we all know down there. NXT is shorter than the main roster, but this to means it has less filler, it is mostly worth watching, I skip a lot of the main roster when I watch, it is very predictable, I feel the fresh unknown keeps me interested in NXT. I want to see more from it though, why can’t we have a new singles title, the roster is packed with talent but only one title, how about an NXT  Rising Star championship, granted the name might need a little work, or maybe have the new UK Championship and Cruiserweight titles be sometimes defended or just shown off at the show, a piece of candy for the talent to chase, bringing NXT, 205 live and the future UK show to a merged similar but lower level of the main roster.

Speaking of which the new 205 live show is a home for the cruiserweights that WWE is capitalizing on the fact that high flying talented wrestlers are highly sought after by the fans, people love that stuff, guys like Neville and hopefully in future some of the other main roster cruiserweights will have another avenue to shine in, but having it on RAW feels like a mistake, Smackdown feels like a much better place for cruiserweights, AJ Styles is himself a former X Division member which as most will know was kind of like TNA’s cruiserweight division, well loosely. I have really enjoyed the rivalry between Diavari and Jack Gallagher, it is by far one of the more interesting rivalries in the WWE right now. I hope it pushes Jack into new heights, his unique character is really refreshing to me. I will admit it isn’t quite at the level NXT is yet, it needs time to grow and I think in years to come it will definitely get there.

The most recent evolution for the WWE though is the addition of the UK championship, with a view to adding a new weekly show created in the UK, this is something as a Brit myself, really get behind, though I felt the talent on display was somewhat saturated by bearded or moustached characters, they all performed well and I can’t wait to get my eyes feasting on a weekly uk show, hell I might even get myself down to the shows if possible. The thought of going to see a WWE UK Title match no matter who is involved is just insane. I have seen some stars of the future for sure in that tournament. I wonder though if the possibilities are endless, will we get a Sheamus vs Wolfgang or Finn Balor vs Jordan Devlin, heck even Pete Dunne vs Noam Dar, will William Regal ever pass on his brass knucks?

Anyhoo, any thoughts on the evolution of WWE?

Thanks for reading

Pixc

 

 

Just don’t get it

I couldn’t think of a worthy title, so that is just a sort of loose them to the rant I am about to divulge, for life is sending me the urges to write.

Life isn’t the worst it has been for me right now, but it might well be the toughest I can remeber in recent times, the hardest to figure out. I have a good job, as uncertain as my future is, through no fault of my own and my place and technology is somewhat in a good place right now.

Life just seems to be bringing me down to the darkest depths of myself. Every once in a while I get a repeat episode a reminder, I am not where I should be, a sinking, gut feeling that something is wrong. It links back to some counselling I had many years ago, circles and also is a similar feeling to when I was having anxiety/panic attacks after Doctor Who which I forced myself to power through as Doctor Who is my favourite tv show since I started watching it back at the beginning of Nu Who. Twice when I have been playing Prison Architect now have I got this feeling of circles, I’m not sure if it is anything to worry about but I am curious what it is. I am a very curious person, I like learning to understand myself, life in general but often stuff goes over my head because who is there to explain something only you can feel.

Stress, could it be just as simple as that, but lots of people have it worse than I, surely it can’t be that. When I add up all what is going on, it is no wonder I am struggling, but uncertainty with my job, women, the lack of, the lack of understanding and the luck of it all, a friend who is always there but can be really annoying but can’t help it sometimes, a friend who is hopeless at being a friend because he listens only to where his next bag of weed comes from, a friend who I know cares but our schedules rarely allow for us to hang out much, a friend who I am crazy about but know it will never happen, in all honesty the lack of interaction on my gaming videos or blog posts, the fact that the people I want to care just don’t seem to want to hang out or do anything and the people I know do care, I get fed up with, knowing you are addicted to playing games, but knowing it is the only thing keeping you going, justifying that if you didn’t game would you not just sit and watch x y and z programme, basically doing the same thing but not doing anything but vegetate. Knowing you have at least some modicum of musical talent but not being able to use it because in order to get the new controller you need a full time job and with one you have little desire to churn out track after track even a single loop is a challenge with the little time and timing your brain decides to give you, getting an idea late at night when you should be going to sleep. The list started off so small and yet now I feel I could go on forever, the lack of ability to feel like you can push your weight in the right direction, knowing some of the stuff you eat is really bad, but you love it and it tastes so good, or that the stuff that you know could help you tastes so vile, celery damn you! I am definitely not Ron Weasley, my emotional range is far greater than a teaspoon but damn it would be nice to just one or two days a week feel nothing but what needs to be done, what i am going to do and how it is going happen. I often fear I may share a little too much when I write, I merely hope to relieve some of this unstable mind so that I can right myself someday.

I hope if someone wants to share they never feel they can not, cos I would to bottle my entire life up forever.

Pixc

Welcome to the New Year

Yes we made it, 2017, a brand new year people, this is just a quick post to say Happy New Year, eager to see what 2017 holds, this is a big year for me really, the big 30 is upon me and I will spending my first birthday outside of england, far as I can remember anyway.

So what does 2017 hold for Pixc, well hopefully an Ableton Push 2 and some motivation and discipline to get back into making some beats. I ain’t making any promises I have claimed for the last three years at least that this would be my musical year, the year I take it to new heights but it hasn’t quite happened yet. I do hope that I can be a little more disciplined this year that’s for sure.

As some of you will know I am a heavy gamer, some would argue an addict. I lots track of time for the first time in a long time playing a game, Prison Architect, I just got immersed in the story, for a game that is essentially more about the building of a prison, it was quite a surprise. I looked at the clock to find it was 4am, whoops! I still think there may be a place for me in youtube or twitch to carve out some sort of niche for myself, but I’m less confident, it is tough going, if you watch me. Thanks for your support, it means a lot. I think focusing on one platform would be a great idea, but unforunately YouTube makes it really hard for a small time youtuber to make anything out of posting content online unless you are lucky enough to have tonnes of fans and well Twitch is very limited in who it reaches I guess, more people are willing  to have a youtube account and comment on videos, subscribe to channels etc.

So who knows what 2017 might bring, let’s hope it’s a good un eh!

Pixc