Allsorts of Stuff

Waiting for Death

I am but a very young man, but I think all in all most of us are just waiting for death

I have ran myself through the delights and disasters of drugs

I’m no smack or crack or head but I have expanded my mind, reach states of pure euphoria and become numb

 

I have made mistakes

I have cried, tears of sadness and tears of  joy

I have seen the slow coming of death for an old man who had long since given up

I have heard of a life cut so short more than once

 

I have watched people hurt each other

I have seen how people can hurt themselves

I have laid awake at night long ago and hurt myself

I am now not one to partake in this pain

 

I just wait for death

Some people would wish it upon me, or at least for me to suffer

I would wish that I could make my mistakes less damning, that they would cause less harm

They have hurt me in a way not even the best can repair, only me

 

I fear I cannot heal

I fear I cannot control what will happen to me

I am not afraid, but I am alone

People will stand by me

But they cannot help me, they can only soften the blow when it comes

 

I just wait for it

I have very little to lose after all

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6 responses

  1. Tami. As of lately.

    I too wait alone

    Buried my daughter when she was twelve

    It mattered to no one but me

    And I did not matter at all

    Today I matter much less

    No child, no spouse, just emptiness

    No choice in this world but to wait,

    For what you may question that fate

    So please let me hear if you care

    Does it matter to friends who are not there

    Was I a fool to believe at one time

    A difference I could make or could find

    Oh yes that youngness comes with a cost

    Because your a fool at that such a loss.

    August 20, 2012 at 12:05 am

  2. Tami. As of lately.

    Thank you for letting me speak my soul

    August 20, 2012 at 12:06 am

    • djpixc

      I’m sorry to hear of this, I think life caught up with me when i was 16, I’ve been waiting ever since but don’t get me wrong I love life, at times, just ya know, the sadness always transfers better to paper

      August 20, 2012 at 8:37 pm

      • Gordon Adamczewski

        Wow others out there might understand. Never knew there was one who could. Felt like this since 1977, always different, always sad, always not understood, always, always, always different. The demons always found me. The nightmares always came true, why, why? One single answer would help, would help make sense of it, or should I say I wish I could make cents of it. But nonsense only comes my way. What do I understand? Really? Reality? Or really reality? Or just another delusion………”…??.

        Sent from my iPad

        August 20, 2012 at 9:51 pm

      • djpixc

        interesting Gordon, is your name russian or polish or something else? I find myself deeper and deeper involved in my fantasy books, I once read a really good series called Night Watch with the character Anton Gorodetsky*(sp) as the main focus, there are two films on the books so far, pretty interesting also but you might prefer the books first 🙂

        August 22, 2012 at 3:26 pm

      • Gordon Adamczewski

        Thanks for the info. This is tami, not Gordon, just using his iPad. Talk later.

        Sent from my iPad

        August 22, 2012 at 3:48 pm

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