I would do for you
I’m thinking a lot lately about love, thinking about the girls/women that come and went in my life, the ones I lost touch with, the ones I’m still in touch with and trying to piece it all together. Work out if I’ve been in love, if the love I might have felt for each person in my life is distinguishably different. I came to the conclusion also from a little of others opinions, notably Tim Minchin, that love is something that grows over time spent with someone and dies over time spent exploring other loves, or appears to remain hidden deep under the other loves you might encounter. My first girlfriend was when i was relatively young, we were sort of coerced into splitting up as the relationship was a bit strange, I do think about her from time to time but I wouldn’t contact her again, if we met up by chance I’d like to think we could be friends again, but I’ll never forget her friends’ advice, don’t do it, it’ll never work, just be friends. Bless her she was right and interesting I still speak to that person, while my ex toddled off to get on with her life and pretty much hated me, I always wonder if I attract difficult women because I myself am a strange character, but with a heart of gold. My most recent girlfriend was a bit of a headcase, she was very kind and generous, but well it was often a sort of expectant kind and generous. Sometimes I’m like this so you must give me this, this and this. I am such a nice person at times so you must be nice to me. I live by treat others how they treat you, or treat others how you would like to be treat. So when someone is nice sometimes, but a complete muppet others, then im not nice all the time. its natural if you piss me off I will react.
I find that now I am limited in female company I have mixed feelings about the situation. I am often a little lonely, but I also appreciate the lack of nagging, apart from my mum and dad obviously. I find it easier to do what I want, but I sometimes catch myself wishing a woman was there to tell me I’m spending too much time on my computer games. I have had a few women that when we kissed, I felt on cloud nine, I can’t say what they felt, probably nothing, one is apparently a lesbian now, don’t think I did that, think she was already there just probably feeling sorry for me ha, then the other is still a close friend, don’t think we will ever get back to that point, we want different things, yeah I’d love for it to happen, deep down I’d probably see her as the one I’d never give up on, but I think she feels differently. I once had a friend I was a little obsessed with maybe, she was flitting round most of my mates, she was always there for me we kissed I felt nothing really, we hug I feel everything, strange?
So anyway I could ramble on for ages but I will leave you with that insight into my mind for now.
Thanks for reading,