3rd Tangents on Tuesdays – its a late one!
Ok, firstly sorry this is late, I was totally distracted yesterday, busy with friends and once they left I went almost straight to bed. I guess a good place to start today would be dreams, I woke up from a strange awkward, slightly unnerving dream. I was in what can only be described as a cross between a school and a prison for the first bit, sat round some huge table talking to an array of very trendy looking women. I can’t remember much about what was said or went on. The next bit I was with these same women, and possibly a few guys too, doing different activities out in the world so to speak, going to peoples houses it seemed in areas near where I live and doing random stuff like shooting at trees, that one activity stuck out for me, the next one I felt I went to my own flat where we were supposed to do some ranting activity, but I went inside and they stayed in the garden, seems I was supposed to stay outside. I don’t know what it all means, but considering things ain’t been going great for me am sure it is something linking to that, a subconscious turmoil coming out in my dreams, this seems to happen less often when I masturbate, I felt that maybe the buzz you get from that stops you having “nightmares” or even all dreams. Which makes me wonder is that why society wants us to pair off and fuck all the time, why sex is promoted so much, so that we stop dreaming and progressing, I somehow see a link between dreams and progression as I feel they can help you to figure things out, what you want to do, what you do wrong that sort of thing.
So dreams aside, I want to reiterate my frustrations with Call Of Duty : Black Ops 2, yes I am feeling the game a lot more now. Met a few new people through it and am doing well with the clan I’m currently leading, admittedly my scores are no better but thats to be expected, I ain’t no COD god. I had a few excellent games last week, so I know its not all doom and gloom anymore. I would still like to point out to Activision and Treyarch that League Play is not as it says on the tin. I am playing with Silver ranked, Platinum ranked and Bronze Ranked, when I am officially Iron. I’m guessing Iron is the lowest as I suck, but Platinum is leagues higher. This is not helping my league score and therefore totally goes against what you say about league play. I am shocked that when I log on, only around 300,000 people are online, is the amount of people displayed online, not accurate, is it based on who i can play with, based on my connection and such like? Don’t tell me the servers ain’t populated enough, you sold millions of copies surely? Maybe people got rid of the game, as in many ways it kind of sucks? Maybe your blunder with the season pass has put a lot of people off on the PS3? Maybe your continued kiss ass of the Microsoft console has alienated PS3 fans? I think Sony were offered first dibs, I heard it somewhere, so I, for some part blame Sony for this. Who knows, wish we could have a right priced season pass, I am not paying £42 when I shouldn’t have to!
Lets move away from games into the world of work. My current situation is dire, not working, with the support I get from Ingeus being erratic at best. What they do is helping people, don’t get me wrong they are good, but they are not helping everyone in the ways they need to be helped. The system does not fit all comers so to speak. Flexible is the key thing I feel they lack. Maybe organisation is also somewhat lacking, I’m unsure. I like to point out they will obviously sight this as the reason for my downfall, that I am too busy blogging, gaming and making music to find work, reality is, the economic climate is fucked, I lack experience, I lack confidence, I lack motivation, all of this because of the current climate, as some readers will already know I live with Dyspraxia, I have found since moving out that it has gradually become more apparent, maybe its not like I say it is, but I feel shitty a lot of the time, the good times are often fake with a nice little mask over them. I have been doing what I can to try and pick myself back up, admittedly, this is failing, I’m currently reading a book that has opened my eyes a bit. Russ Harris seems to have some good ideas, I will keep reading and see how it works out. Seriously though, I lack experience, I think in part aswell, knowing what I want to do would be a better solution, but well what I want to do cannot sustain me, unless I become self employed and super amazing in my book, I’d write for someone, I’d get involved in musical projects like for films and such like, I’d dabble in administration as I’ve done it before, possibly Web design but my skills are somewhat lacking in some ways, not very good with code, not very artisitically professional but know my way around dreamweaver. There is always someone better and well although I can natter on here to you lot, my gift of the gab does not extend to the interview stage, mainly because I don’t believe they are a fair process, I can’t lie and tell you I’m the best things since sliced bread when I don’t know who the other people are, I can only tell you how good I am based on myself, my skills etc, all of which you have on my CV, so give me a chance and I’ll show you what I can do, don’t grill me in a room about something I know little about just matched myself up against the description and you clearly believed in me, so why do I now have to prove myself without doing the job? Telling you isn’t making me any better than on my CV and covering letter, the proof is in the pudding, I can do it and you can judge me, that is fine, but i can’t tell you and you then judge me, I’m honest, interviews are shit, I think i do well only to get told I was “this” close to getting the job but I didn’t. So ingeus wonder why I don’t like piling up lots of applications, I don’t want a better chance of success, I want that success, I want to be in control of that success, not hoping that someone better doesn’t pip me to it because they have better experience.
Anyway think I better go do something else, thanks for reading people!