Anti-Social

I just got to thinking recently with my own social skills, flitting between awesome and terrible, due to what my doctors think is anxiety, but what I would gather as a longer term condition that has been misdiagnosed or ignored. I wanted to talk about social behaviour, in particular I blend better with people who have similar social issues to myself, this doesn’t always end well. I have had bad experiences because neither party is very good at certain social situations. I’ll openly admit I often obsess, I get angry sometimes over nothing, but to me there is often a reason, just most people might think nothing of it. I have a little message about my name on a picture thing, it basically says “I mean what I say and expect the same from others” I never really saw the link until recently, I get so pissed off when people say they are going to come and see me, then never do. They claim they care but don’t make any effort with me. I try not to get too pissed about it as I suppose some could claim that I make less effort, I’d like to point that often I find easy ways of justifying this. Well you never let me know when you are free and I will often ask you to come round, but you never ask me to come, just leave an open offer, but when I call you say you are busy. It can be very stressful.

I think society and the people who are in general considered normal, so to speak create this little clique that alienates the different. So when the different come together they feel better apart from this “normal” society. They hide in these groups or alone and socially stagnate, the more they do so, the more alone or isolated they feel. I’d rather sit at home with a few select people watch a film or comedy or play video games than go to a pub get wasted and and/or pretend that I belong. I know there is something so different about me, but I can put on a front that basically hides it all, it makes me seem so close to normal that people don’t want to put me in that alienated group of people. I guess sometimes I feel I’m sort of on the bridge between the two sets of social groups, the very different and the normal, I’m not comfortable sitting on the normal side of the river but I can venture there for a little while. I’ll always come home to the different people, the people who accept me for who I am or just don’t care what I’m like, what I’ve been through or where I’m going.

Society breeds into me contempt, fear and bitterness. I don’t hate, I pity the people who are not bothered about the amount of people left struggling to survive while some people get 25K pay rises to basically do naff all. No one man or woman should ever accept a 25k pay rise in todays world. Don’t get me wrong I know its always a hard choice to turn down such a thing, but why not make it a smaller one, if you wish to reward me, then fine, but 25k is a lot of money, I’d be happy if i was just on 25k a year tbh.