Overthink my way through this
So I’m just in from an epic night, showing support for a mate, doing his first set as a dj, playing gabber, including one of his own tunes. He did really well, the night was awesome, but well after 3am I just could not sustain the high any longer and my brain appears to have made me into an emotional mess of sorts.
I know I’m an overthinker, I go to deep into the psychology or just over think and get lost, I think I learn a little each time though, experiences drawn from it. I am currently facing a few battles, one with my health, one with my heart and one with my life. I am most concerned about my heart, I believe I was in love, I don’t know who with anymore, because my ex tore me apart, but I have wanted the same person for years, deep down I get the feeling she doesn’t want me at all, but also that she may herself deep down really want me, its confusing. I am the kind of guy who wears his heart on his sleeve, I’m useless with women in the sense of if I want her, she is impossible to be comfortable around or get involved with it seems, I wish I could be straight with someone face to face, I wish I could be as bluntly confident and successful with it as I feel I need to be, but it isn’t me,I be myself, socially awkward, hopeless with attractive women in the main.
If she was with me, right now, I’d just be content to just lay there, added to that if I was rich(ish) was in my own house, didn’t need to work, I’d probably share a spliff with her, shes the one person I’d smoke my last ever joint with, I can’t smoke it, my mind can’t handle it anymore, but I think if she was with me, I had no worries or places to be for a while I’d like to stick on some nice reggae or dub and share one joint with her, I realise I know fuck all about her really, just she is so cute, she makes me feel special, it’s hard to ignore that, when you are thinking as much as I am.
Cheers for reading,