Allsorts of Stuff

piecing together my mind . . .

I was once a recreational drug taker, I don’t anymore haven’t for a few years now, I have since experienced mental struggles, I went through a bad relationship at the end of my drug taking, I had to make decisions to protect myself and my own mental health, right now I am dealing with the aftermath, I’m not against young people taking drugs, I’m not for them taking them either, I did it and I could never say it is a bad or good thing, but right now I am trying to piece together the affect they had on my mind and as such my life.

I am disabled, I have a learning difficulty, for all my life I believed and diagnosis stated it was mild dyspraxia, always has been said by relatives, friends and parents’ work colleagues that it is possible I could be aspergers, high functioning of course. I have taken a test which puts me as I expected on the border, I don’t feel it would make any major difference to my life to be labelled either way, but I’d like to know more about my own mind.

I consider myself to be a strange character, socially awkward, but socially adept to a point aswell, I have grown to mistrust people, they are not reliable in the main, not even family or closest friends, I think we are all liars, inconsiderate and ungrateful, but I can accept this about myself, everyone can display this at times, I’m known to need to be selfish and inconsiderate at times.

I am more concerned about my emotions, my chemical balance, my social awkwardness and mind. I find myself sometimes extremely talkative, with complete strangers, but then people I know a little, I am totally in a shell with, then my closer friends it is mixed, one on one I am talkative and find it frustrating if they disengage or have nothing to share or give back. Maybe this is just how everyone is,I was going to say normal but I don’t think there is such a thing.

I wonder if I have an addictive personality, I really enjoyed getting high, I am a heavy gamer, spending hours at a time glued to the screen, I get seriously hooked on tv shows, not so much films, but i did once watch one film so often i drove my family a bit nuts when i was younger. I guess I am having fun figuring my own mind out, It is a funny catch 22 situation that I am working and inspiration to fully explore myself, write more, stream gaming more, make music more, all comes when I have no time for such things, I need to sleep, grab the little time I have and cherish it, the precious little evening I might grind some on Destiny, try a new game out, relax with some Game of Thrones, so little time, so much to do.

So this is a small taster, I plan to do another Whovian Tales in the near future, but I felt the urge to share a little. Thanks for reading, feel free to follow/comment/like, it is always nice to hear from readers or passers by.



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