another wrestling match
Some people may be aware, I have been posting a lot more recently, not just on wordpress, some who know me personally may have heard more from me, some more than they might like, well I am still in that phase right now, I don’t know why, or even what it is, I can only guess, I am just going with the flow. I am trying to understand me, I read an interesting open letter wrote by someone to their own anxiety riddled brain, it was thought provoking.
http://hellogiggles.com/open-letter-to-my-anxiety i don’t know why but hello giggles seems to have a lot of stuff posted on FB some of it can be good to read.
So yeah I’m now home after going to a friends to watch Walk Among The Tombstones, I felt myself afterwards, weaken in my mind again, it is slightly like a phase I went through when I was watching Dr Who and having these episodes, of feeling unwell afterwards, I faced them down, carried on and they passed, I’m not sure these are as strong, maybe that is why I can’t face them down as easily, but I am finding this, writing, talking to people, helps me get the feelings, thoughts off my mind, I don’t think it completely solves the problem, but it helps provide time for the solution to be prepared.
I think a lot of what doesn’t help, comes from paranoia, I rarely experience this but when it does, I can link it back in my life, I know someone who used to say it feels like the whole world is in on it, plotting against them, I know what she means now, I doubt that what I feel is as strong as what she felt, maybe it just means I was stronger, or maybe she had been through so much more, either way, I know things will improve, they did already, the intensity of the disruption after watching shows or movies, seems minuscule now compared to those massive attacks I dealt with after watching dr who, but compare those to the effect a woman can have on me, in a similar way, through no fault of her own, it is outstanding how intense that becomes for me, I need to understand this part of my condition or even conditions, my mind, because although diagnosed with dyspraxia, my mind does not adhere so strictly to one specific condition I believe.
So I will keep writing, keep learning and keep wrestling with my mind, in the hope that one day I will understand it well enough to relax into my world, or anyone elses.