So the title might lead you to believe I am about to tempt you into doing or feeling something, this is not my intention at all. I am feeling these subliminal messages from the world, especially tonight. Just come back from a night out with some friends, not as late as I normally turn in but all night songs keep making me think about one person and how I feel about them. I think it’s safe to say now that I have fallen, it’s not reciprocated, I’ve been trying to accept that for a long time and I think I have done pretty well.
However when every song reminds me, what I want to be, that it feels like it should be, it is a little tempting to change my attitude and think, no, let’s make this happen. I’m just not that sort of guy, the assertive, action type. I’m more laid back and lacklustre. The frozen nervous type. I think I even despise the confident, or how I see them, arrogant but assertive types. I don’t blame them categorically, but sometimes I think, dude, do you even think about anything other than your next fuck? Do you even think that they might not want what you got? Clearly that is the level however, that a guy has to be on to be considered for the types of lasses, I might find attractive. They say we only want what we can’t have, feels true to me right now, a dining room pool table and a certain lady for me both unattainable at least for the forseeable future.
Yet as I come across as a moaning, pessimistic, angsty fella, life is pretty good right now. I am working, I have enough money to go out when I want, buy little bits to treat myself, pay my bills. I have some great friends and family around me. I don’t claim to be over the moon with my situation, I’m realistic, we always want more right? So I just hover between mild disillusionment and quaint unexpected joy. I wouldn’t change the path I’ve lead, but I’d like to enlighten people that have attempted to lead me into the darkest corners of dismay, obviously that is not possible and we all have to accept that.
Funny how a few drinks can loosen the mind, freeing it up to share a little, open up and I don’t know about other bloggers but it can often be a release for me, some stuff is better shared partially anonymously in a slightly cryptic way, to random people from across the globe than divulge it to close friends.
Thanks for reading, maybe you could relate, remember nobody, not a single one of us, is going through this alone.