Refuse to Flake
Still struggling with losing a friend somewhat, recently an old friend and neighbour passed, I only found out over a month or so after, I don’t how to feel, but the one person I could always run to, I can’t run to.
I sit here typing this now because time and time again, just like tonight, I am shown whether exaggerated or not through my current state, that I am less important and less bothered about by friends than I bother with them, I get told the i’ll be there, get in touch cliche remarks, when shit is truely going to pot, they do seem to show up, but honestly I can’t say it feels great knowing life has to get to rock bottom before someone wants to get in touch or hang out, or maybe they feel pressured into hanging out, if I am really that boring, annoying or hard to be friends with, can you just tell me or say bye or something? I’m not perfect but this getting so frustrating and all I can do is type away to the unknown readers, I am not a flakey person, I don’t do flakey, I’m loyal, but is it at a fault these days, it seems so.
I’m not saying everyone I know is such a twat or that there aren’t good people in my life, but I refuse to be flakey like some people seem to be with me, if you need me even though I chose to walk away, even though you knew I needed to, I’ll still be on the other end of that phone, or with a brew to hand for you, as you know I’m not a big drinker of brews, but I refuse to flake on you even though I need to move on, it won’t ever stop hurting but when I feel the flake from others, I can’t imagine how you might feel, but I hope you read this and know I’m always here, thinking of you, wishing I didn’t have to do this.