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yeah, let it out

So once again, life beats him down, more emotionally than physically, not even hard, but he’s ill this time. she’s gone to sleep or ignoring him and everyone else because she needs the break, another is with other people, or another guy to be precise. He can’t help but think he’s missed the bus again, even though he’s probably overthinking and exaggerating, the only outlet he has is this blog, because everyone is mostly busy, when it hits, there isn’t anyone around, he’s also an awkward bastard, so when someone is around, it’s either not the right someone, or not the right time. He curses himself for being such a muppet, but deep down he feels, why does nobody answer?

He reads stuff about suicide, how people need to talk, reads stuff about depression and how people need to talk, reads stuff about self help, none of it matters, he can’t talk about what needs to be said, everyone is too offended, too upset or can’t just hear him out. Sounding a little like a spoilt brat sometimes he feels, is that it, then he remembers the advise, don’t ever change for anyone, be yourself. He sits here typing this to you, because nobody is listening, they all say they do, they all say hes not too much, how nice he is, how awesome he is, but there seems to be a line nobody will cross, it’s a line he would cross for almost anyone he knows, or he would have, but when you cross it for so many and nobody returns the favour, goes that extra mile, without being specifically asked to. I think he lost the bottle, lost the will to carry on chasing, carry on caring. Still one that he tries so hard to keep it going with. It’s so painful, but if anyone did cross that line for him, he knows it would be her, but just like everyone else when the awkward time hits, not here, not now, later.

Thanks for reading,

Pixc

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Numb but drowning in Emotion

Life hits him hard in the face and the gut, maybe a small needle through the tiniest bit of his heart, just twisted slightly to make him wince. He stares at the statuses, looks at the empty chat reel, the lack of notifications, it feels like a metaphor for his empty house, his social life ever constantly there but with no substance, he chases and he tries but it feels like such a choir, is he a bore, is he not worth their time?

He busy himself with games and films, distracts himself with music diving deep into the needle hole he felt earlier, exploring the pain, distraction over, back to drowning in a sea of loneliness, even with her never wavering support, her guiding advice, always tinged with regret that it never quite happened, that it never seems like he has enough to make it happen, shes still there, but he still feels alone.

All the colleagues, friends, family, acquaintances who could be friends, everyone likes him, well almost everyone, he knows there are people who don’t want to know him, have already made up their minds, they don’t like him, some he probably pissed off, wronged or hurt, not that he wanted to, it’s just not in his remit, but he can’t take it back.

He tries to be positive, point out the good things in life, look at how lucky he is, but wait that is good but what about this, what about whats missing, while he marvels at what he has, he looks at what he hasn’t got, dwells on what he didn’t do, or should’ve done, he looks to what he should do but can’t, not what he can, because nobody can stay positive all the time, especially not in a sea of loneliness, numb and drowning in emotions.

 


Tangents on Thursdays!

Well, what a few weeks I’ve had guys, a reyt emotional rollercoaster! Three options on the job front, for the same company, two of those in different locations, one of which was a completely different role, needless to say it looks like am sticking where I am due to my own stuff going on. So no commuting and sticking with the gym as it would be much more difficult to maintain from a further away location.

The World Cup has been on, not been watching every game, seen england games, but though we look a lot better, first half against belgium and we don’t look great. Nice to see some of the smaller teams fighting for a good show. Panama’s goal against England was pretty good. So what other Tangents we gonna touch upon.

Gaming is always a good one, being such an avid gamer, I must draw attention to three of my favourites, Rimworld, No Man’s Sky and Borderlands. Firstly Borderlands, where is the news, where is the release date, we are so hungry, well I definitely am, I cannot wait for this game. Hopefully a solid release date arrives before the end of summer. I’d love to see the game arrive before the end of the year or latest end of march, oh and an update Belgium are winning, see England are shite again, normal service resumed.

So gaming, Rimworld 1.0 is available on the steam unstable branch, not tried it seen some gameplay, not sure if I like it as much, may wait until mods are released properly as I daresay I will miss them. I will probably cave at the weekend so look out for that on my channels. Lastly No Man’s Sky, yeah I really like it, have since release, i’m tired of the hate, they really don’t deserve it. Destiny or Fifa or Call of Duty deserves it, but not this. So the new NEXT update, fully fledged multiplayer and so much more. I can’t wait to see what is coming, so am off to watch some NEXT gameplay I got recommended, right after writing this.

So with gaming out of the way I can look at some music stuff. I introduced hopefully two, but definitely one person to a band called Dirtwire, intriguing sounds remininscent of a rustic badlands from borderlands type vibe. I urge you to check them out, if you’re a fan don’t be shy say hi in the comments!

I’ll leave you with a final thought, time is ticking, we ae getting ever closer to the first female lead of Doctor Who, also shes from my hometown, what a win!

Thanks for reading,

Pixc


If I could

If I could be how I wanted, do what I wanted, with full freedom and no limits.

If I could live like that

I’d rave on a weekend, to the hardest styles, party with my people until I needed to rest.

I’d make music and game during the week, entertain the masses the join in the quest. Watch the shows I love, follow the people I love, be with the woman I love, treat her and the friends I love to the most amazing times, because there would be no limits.

Cash would not be a problem, time would be no issue, conflicting priorities wouldn’t even matter, this can never be, so we do the best we can.

But I would do so much more if I could.

Rave on, stay safe, party hard!

 

Pixc


Music leaving me breadcrumbs to find, is it game asking me to weather the never ending tide? Broken and bitter, biting my lips as tears fade, must I ask you now? Still I call unanswered, never rely on anyone my conscience says.

Escape to another world every opportunity, once I return still it stands unnerved, it doesn’t falter, not even flinch. Emotions of all kinds, to others a breeze, a ripple or a glow, to me a tidal wave, a hurricane and blaze.

No escape, no straps to pin me back, no seatbelt to save from this ride, this crash this flight as I leave the window of fantasy and smash into reality, no escape, not enough time, too many rules and nobody who plays by them.

 

 

I often find myself thinking little snippets of great word play, try to build on it like above, but sometimes it falls flat, I still wanted to share, someone told me I was in a dark place recently, I never felt I was, but usually when I am it helps to write, so maybe you’ll see more from me, in this dark place. Thanks for reading.

Pixc


Opportunity

Just secretly happy about something, walking through life with a spring in my step. Getting advice about what do next, I can only tie myself up in knots. An opportunity possibly, a disaster maybe, will I take it never, because I am to worried, too worried about if I’m reading this wrong, if what she says is true, if what he thinks is right, that I shouldn’t even be thinking about it, that I’m cheating on the woman I love who would advise against it but probably secretly be hoping I go for it and it works out, so I’m no longer in her life. I never asked for it to pan out this way, or did I? When I first met you saw the line, stood well back, all the while wondering, what if it wasn’t there, would it happen, could it work, now I know you and there isn’t the same desire, but a growing friendship, all the while seeing that line wobble, cracks appear, still standing back, secretly hoping but knowing that what must be, must be, trying not to get involved because it is none of my business, but wanting to know, just in case.

But I digress, that is but a fictional possibility because I am me, that opportunity never comes to me, that opportunity was given to him.


Some top tips for Beginners on Rimworld

Hey guys,

So I wanted to share some of my top tips, for getting started in rimworld.

Firstly when selecting your starting colonists:

  1. You want a good spread of skills
  2. I’d try get someone close to or higher than 8 in growing
  3. Also look at getting someone with some passion for Mining and Construction
  4. Don’t forget one good shooter, preferrably two if you can and/or one melee specialist.
  5. Be careful of traits, avoid pyromaniacs for a start!
  6. If needs be download the Prepared Carefully mod.

Selecting a world spot

  1. as a beginner I’d recommend at least large hills or mountanious terrain
  2. also for a biome I’d go with either temperate forest or if you think you want a challenge tropical rainforest(all round growing)
  3. Growing time, as much as possible hence possibly going tropical rainforest

Once you get into the world, you need to pick a spot for your base, this is a very flexible decision, but some things to consider.

  1. fertile soil – better for growing
  2. sheltered areas, easily defensible with potential to mine in for quick base construction but beware bugs!
  3. not near the edge of the map unless the only good spot really
  4. Geothermal vents, try to be fairly close to one of these or within reach for better power options

IF you liked these tips, drop me a like and I will continue to share more top tips!

Pixc