Been a while but I uploaded something new.
Any thoughts please drop a comment here or on soundcloud 🙂
So time to share, time to shed a layer off into the world, many who read my blog know I use this as a way to offload shit, get stuff off my chest, express myself, sometimes it can seem pretty dark, I make no apologies, sometimes my emotions are high or low and I need this outlet.
Tonight I snapped, it has been brewing for a long time, I’d had enough, but I immediately regretted it, usually when someone says that it’s cos they hurt someone else, but tonight I hurt me, not physically and it might have hurt someone else too, but for me I went from raging, to broken wreck in 60 seconds, I planned to be asleep early tonight, fat chance now.
Reached a point where after years I want to be free from emotion, daleks, cybermen come at me bro! Seriously though I always hated the idea of anti-depressants, I figured it just masks the shit and makes you not feel, I never wanted that, my emotions have always been unchained free, I liked that about me, I felt it made me human, still do, but maybe I just want a break, or maybe not to have a heart because it feels right now a curse.
When you are likely in love with someone and it’s not reciprocated, when you care for someone so much, they are your best friend, your confidant, your rock, then you realise she might be gone, not only that but you have to agree to it, you have to walk away, you resign yourself to it, but everytime you try you rally, nope you cannot leave her, look at all she’s done for you, look how much she cares, how much she means to you, come on,so you keep going, broken, that is where I am at now, it would be simpler if I could go, that’s not me, it wouldn’t be easy either way, I am still clinging on because I can’t imagine life without her, on any level, I know I want more than I got, but I can’t imagine life without her.
I don’t want to go in like this, but I know it will help, but the weather is cold and please let it snow some more.
I don’t want to deal with the hi’s, the how are you’s, the cold weather and the snow, so please let it snow some more.
I don’t want to stare mundanely at a screen doing the same stuff when I could be at home doing what I love, but it pays and I need the money. Just let it snow some more.
Sat hoping for snow, not because I want it, not because it will help, but because the break will do me good, the time I will gain, free time, just only if it snows some more.
The weather outside is snow, the fire is so warm. Let it snow, let it snow, let it snow! (angry line)
You can’t play on broken strings, here without you, it’s impossible, the way you do the things you do.
Mamny Rivers to Cross, You could meet somebody, rewind, all of me, last request.
Dancing on my own.
In other words, how can I go on without you, it’s impossible, the way you do the things you do, I’ve got many rivers to cross, they say you could meet somebody, but I doubt I will, can’t we just rewind, this is my last request, grant it, let me hold you.
I’m much like the Doctor, I don’t do goodbyes, I don’t do endings, I don’t like them, I always felt like an island, I wish you’d let me be there, while you fix you, I don’t mind if you nag me, I want to know.
How can I let go? Though I know I have to, I want you to stop me, for the right reasons, for me and for you.
You can’t play on broken strings, I know I can’t make your heart feell anything, but if it is buried beneath all your pain, maybe we can find it together.
o guys, this evening I wanted to write something, mainly to distract my head from what irks me this evening, I have read books and done meditation exercises to help me stop thinking about certain things, to avoid non-useful thoughts, but it isn’t always easy. However writing sometimes helps.
So Don’t Starve is back in my mostly playing right now games, after a long break. I have been watching Stumpt and Skye Storme, thanks guys, delve into the world of Together and Shipwrecked respectively, learning more, practicing my kiting and exploring the worlds best I can.
I am trying out the new Home Sea Home update on the PC, whilst trying to unlock all the characters and both ps4 and pc, dabbling in Together when I get chance, if I can drag friends along, all the better. Not all I’ve been playing, I did stick Mario Kart on briefly, which was fun.
So I got the golden key out of Yaarctopus on the second session and possibly the third time trading with him, but it was the first time I used a live tropical fish, this is one third of how to get woodlegs, unforunately I died, which is a shame, but I know its doable. I also think if you don’t find him early on make another small camp on the nearest island, should help you get what you need if hes miles away from your base.
I will possibly post another update, but in the mean time feel free to check out my youtube, where most of my gaming content is!
Thanks for reading,
Today I found myself popping to Tesco to get my ingredients for Harrira, a recipe given to me by a friend early this week, looking forwarding to it, eager to spend today writing, gaming/streaming, cooking this dish and generally enjoying myself, but constantly hounded by this “black dog” or “dark cloud” reminding me what I really want to be doing, or rather who I really want to be doing it with, if you pardon the pun.
I use this blog as an escape, an exit path for all the negative or darker thoughts, sometimes the nice ones too, but to reflect on the past, present and future. A friend of mine is heading out a new adventure, scary stuff I’m not sure I could deal with, so good luck to her!
Trying to eat a bit healthier from now on, though not being strict about it as last night was a takeaway which I am still polishing off today. Curry on a pizza has got to be one of my favourite takeaway dishes these days.
So streaming, what’s coming? Well I think Don’t Starve will be my main game at the moment, I got back into it and am loving it trying to get better at fighting mobs and learn fully how to heal up, it feels like I may need to use the PC version to learn what is really useful using mods then get back on console, or maybe I use my xbox pad on pc? who knows. Check my channel here.
Thanks for reading guys,
Pixc aka AlwaysMuteTheWeirdo