Think of me, if you see those pearly gates, laying down here without you.
No, think of me before you go to those pearly gates, not yet, not now, think of me.
Think of me, because for many years I haven’t stopped thinking of you.
Think of me, before you leave us all because you are not a timelord, if you don’t you will never think of me again, but I will go on thinking of you!
This list has become a life saver!
So I am in a strange patch of my life, where alcohol is a lot more common, only in a binge one night thing, stress is probably high but I’d never know how to measure it, I just plod on through life, because we have to right? I have a friend, a best friend if you will who never gets a break, she means the world to me and I can’t help her, so I sit here and write, share with the world because all I can do is let it out, because I can’t talk to her, she needs this time.
Usually when I am in this state I write like crazy, make music, watch Harry Potter, other nerdy things and if I’m lucky inspiration strikes and I write some of the most amazing stuff, be it some sound or some words. I’m not sure if it is because I no longer take any recreational drugs unless you count alcohol, but I can’t go back to taking those, not until I no longer need to work. I wish I could smoke that spliff with a certain american lady, pop that pill with my best friend I never took anything with, but it wasn’t to be, I look to find other pleasures life has left me, music is a massive part of that, whether listening to it or making some weird soundscapes in my studio.
It pains me that I see so many people suffering these days but hell should I be so surprised seen as I have been one of them for over ten years. I am often an open book, I don’t ever want to change that, I have to be a little more cautious now, I made some mistakes, I’m not proud, but I’m not ashamed, I’m human, we all do.
Just to quote Doctor Who “YANA”
Thanks for reading.
Hey guys, so I have a legit reason for sharing, a have a slight problem, my brain appears to be working on a solution but it doesn’t appear like an easy one. Here is the problem.
I have recently picked up a new Push 2 controller for my studio setup, I am slowly getting to grips with it, my dyspraxia I think is the main culprit for that, focusing the mind on being creative when it is trying to figure out new equipment might not be the best idea, but the main reason it feels such a gripe, is the layout of my new setup.
Keyboard, Mouse and Push 2 with monitor behind keyboard, wires not great length wise, push not in prime location, mouse and keyboard mat no longer long enough with three devices not fitting, then the push when flat on the desk doesn’t make for ease of seeing the push 2 and screen at the same time, so I figure I need a stand for it, but what kind? I find online a post containing a link to an ikea cheap easy solution, not sure if it would work its under £10, not tried it yet. Then I think if it doesn’t what would I need, well something ideally that goes over my keyboard but then acts like a writing/drawing easel, maybe there is one already? The drawing easel, looked at A3 seems ok size fit, but then it isn’t raised, can I double it with a monitor keyboard riser thingy, will it take up too much space? So many questions, then the cost, an A3 art easel is double the price of the cheap solution, but would need the riser ontop, so more cost there, then it might not support the controller, it is after all only for paper and the like.
So any suggestions guys? Any thoughts on Push 2, how is your setup looking, can you easily see the screen?
Thank for reading,
Woah, it has apparently been 9 years since I joined wordpress, I originally started through a local college, where I studied new media, including music technology, which in a word was one of the best decisions in my life. I owe it all to my recreational drug use really, I’m not ashamed or proud of that period of my life, I loved it but it was a rollercoaster and it has opened my mind and heart a lot, making it equally more amazing and tough to soldier on in life these days.
I wanted to write something today and only came to realise the above because of the notification that I past that 9 year mark recently. I wanted to share about how my mind often races, giving me so many amazing ideas, too many and limiting it seems me to that phase of the process. The ideas flood to me constantly but being able to sort them and fine tune one to make it something special seems alien, seems unattainable. Often I find it easier to just waffle on and hope for the best.
At the minute I am playing at least 10 games, across PC, PS4 and Android devices, in my desire to get back into making music I recently picked up a Push 2, expensive as it is, I just wanted the freedom it offered and to try revitalize my musical muscles, it has not yet worked, but with a full time job it is hard to find the arsity if I’m honest. My brain doesn’t stop at that however, I saw a post from a new friend of mine, about her going into acting and my ideas of writing for Doctor Who resurfaced, I always wanted to write for Doctor Who or my own novel or some fan fiction for one of my many fandoms, an ultimate mashup of Potter, The Doctor and Borderlands worlds’ in a weird crossover but as I said the ideas flood me and seem to paralyse me to the mundane working week and must do something fun of the weekend or evenings.
I sit typing, knowing that I am capable of so much more, will it be this year I am free to act, or will I remain trapped by my own paralysis!
I have been trying for almost 10 years to walk away from her
Trying to move on, to stop feeling like I do
I have known for years, I probably won’t stop
There is no denying it, I’m crazy about her
I can doubt it, or is it that because I am alone in it, I can’t see the point
I have met many I like, a few I could see taking me away from her
But none follow it through, not complete the journey or even start it really
I still can’t deny it, I’m just too far gone
So I was talking to a friend the other day, about games, while playing Battlefield 1, thinking this is graphically impressive, but expectedly so, when we kind of realised, well I did at least, that most of my favourite newish games are indie games, not AAA titles.
Weird I know but, games like Banished, Rimworld, Prison Architect and Project Highrise are games I play a lot lately, they are all made by small teams. Even Cities Skylines has taken a backseat for the time being. They all have big community followings and mods on steam, is that what draws me to them. I I love building games I guess. I am even considering getting the GOG version of Theme Hospital to see what the open source version plays like, definitely worth roughly £5 for the nostalgia alone but add in the possibilities of new content and well surely we are onto a winner.
It does somewhat irk me that the games I love seem to either be indie or not very popular. Veering away from the indie let’s take Battleborn, a new MOBAish game with borderlands flavour that could given the right group of friends produce hours of fun but nobody is on the bandwagon, wrapped up in competitive spring rolls on Overwatch, I find myself paired with randoms who either have no clue, leave half way through or have to carry me and eventually just leave me to die. I wish more of my friends owned it but the one that does is on xbone with me on ps4, the one that has it doesn’t have time to play it as he prefers other games, I get it, not the best of games, but it can be real fun. While I enjoy holding it down playing some operations on Battlefield 1, the frustration and anger is definitely consistent on that game, I just can’t seem to get many nice runs or good games.
I just wanted to share that is it not time AAA titles offered more than competitive multiplayer and great graphics? I long for Borderlands 3 where there is brilliant co-op, loot a plenty and a great story with characters, I do concede I have some AAA or there abouts titles I am still yet to play, including but not limited to, The Witcher, Mafia 3 and Watchdogs 2, but I am more excited for Constructor HD if I’m honest, fingers crossed for an easy mode on all maps!
Thanks for reading,