Allsorts of Stuff

Poetry

When she won’t cave

Do I stay or do I go?

I can’t give up, I don’t want to give up

Surely if it was going to happen it has had enough time?

But if the timing hasn’t been right, might it be in the future?

What ifs and but this and that, I’ll never stop hoping

If someone would just come along and drag me away

How could I even think that? Why would I even consider that?

I don’t deserve her, hang on a minute, she doesn’t deserve me

How could I even think that of her, what is happening to me

She told me to go, but she obviously doesn’t want me to

So there is hope, nope she wants something else, she needs you but its not the same

But I can’t it’s all or nothing, wait that is silly, would you not rather have her in your life?

I don’t know, Shroedingers Cat? Yeah exactly, we should try it, then I will know?

I didn’t last, I caved, I can’t have what I want, but I can give her what she wants

But never settle I said, never settle, I now have to

Where is she? Will she rescue me? Would I even want her to?

What kind of bullshit is this, wanting someone to rescue you from this?

How could you even expect anyone to be ok with this?

Also you try and try and try again, they don’t stick around or you push them away

So what that’s it, no answers?

Nope just question and you, focus on you if you can

Well that’s ironic

 

 

a short mind dump about where my head is at right now and kind of a conversation I have with myself often

 

Thanks for reading,

Pixc

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Think of me

Think of me, if you see those pearly gates, laying down here without you.

No, think of me before you go to those pearly gates, not yet, not now, think of me.

Think of me, because for many years I haven’t stopped thinking of you.

Think of me, before you leave us all because you are not a timelord, if you don’t you will never think of me again, but I will go on thinking of you!


No Denying It

I have been trying for almost 10 years to walk away from her

Trying to move on, to stop feeling like I do

I have known for years, I probably won’t stop

There is no denying it, I’m crazy about her

I can doubt it, or is it that because I am alone in it, I can’t see the point

I have met many I like, a few I could see taking me away from her

But none follow it through, not complete the journey or even start it really

I still can’t deny it, I’m just too far gone

 

 


unreciprocated

She is the light and the dark, the past, the present and future, but he is not hers, well not in the same way. He can’t see past her, can’t see without her, can’t see with her. He knows and he accepts, but still it doesn’t change, trapped in an emotional cage of his own making.

Looking back wonders if he could have changed the outcome, what would have happened, would they still be this close? would he be free? would he be with her still? What if rears it’s ugly head as always, all he wants is to step out of this, one way or another.

Another comes along, a chance to escape, he takes it, it was fake, not what it seemed, another mistake. Once again another chance to escape, once again, another fake, she was there all along helping him through it, trying to help him escape from her, is she who she seems.

They talk and he feels hope all the time, but always it is dashed on the cliffside as soon as he voices it, like she never knew she had given him such a thing.

Still he tries to escape, maybe his heart is not in it, maybe he can’t, either way he’ll keep trying, because she isn’t joining him in that desolate place they call love.


If you . .

IF you really like me then cut the bullshit I am too old for games

If you don’t want me as more than friend  then say, i will be there til the end

If you didn’t like what you saw, it wasn’t quite the peak you expected

Then jog on, I am worth more than that, you can find Mr Perfect elsewhere

If you tease me get my motor running then run away confused don’t blame me when someone else comes take my juice, cos one day someone will appreciate me and I will not hesitate to let loose, this was once for you, lady but you just couldn’r choose.

I hate the way that sounds I would much rather be sweet, but gals like someone who has a nobhead ish quality indeed, someone who makes them feel like shit not feel their in a dream

I was born to please one, but one does not exist so should I give it up and just look after me.

Met a lass from down south got  a boyfriend, but still appreciated me for who I am, maybe she sensed i was unlucky and tried to give me some confidence to make me plucky, either way I won’t forget, no go or not she made me think

I went out come home early, because like always nobody keeps up, saturday night the atmospheres sucks, just want me to come  out til something better comes along, whilst am wondering what the fuck went wrong,  I just wish for once my way, but never expected, so never regretted as I drift into space.

I ask all the readers to bow their heads in the respect of one, lost, tired of all the silly games.

 

Pixc

 


After an evening of Titanfall 2

Running walls, diving across canyons, fighting in the dome.

Tonight I was in a rage with puzzles, almost out of my comfort zone

I persevered, made it through even though I uttered a curse or two

This campaign is quite a treat, it makes a change from getting owned a multiplayer

But now it is time for sleep!


She

She who reads your message then doesn’t reply, she who seems up for the crack but then never get’s back, she who expects you to chase but still wants space, she is the one to be wary of. Not the slutty dancer, the local bike, because with them you know where you stand, well clear, away from the drama. She is hopeful potential with a hint of instant catastrophe, a  mocktail with a hidden shot of absinthe, the lie festering beneath her well veiled eyes, she is everywhere, she is her who doesn’t know what she wants.