Think of me, if you see those pearly gates, laying down here without you.
No, think of me before you go to those pearly gates, not yet, not now, think of me.
Think of me, because for many years I haven’t stopped thinking of you.
Think of me, before you leave us all because you are not a timelord, if you don’t you will never think of me again, but I will go on thinking of you!
She is the light and the dark, the past, the present and future, but he is not hers, well not in the same way. He can’t see past her, can’t see without her, can’t see with her. He knows and he accepts, but still it doesn’t change, trapped in an emotional cage of his own making.
Looking back wonders if he could have changed the outcome, what would have happened, would they still be this close? would he be free? would he be with her still? What if rears it’s ugly head as always, all he wants is to step out of this, one way or another.
Another comes along, a chance to escape, he takes it, it was fake, not what it seemed, another mistake. Once again another chance to escape, once again, another fake, she was there all along helping him through it, trying to help him escape from her, is she who she seems.
They talk and he feels hope all the time, but always it is dashed on the cliffside as soon as he voices it, like she never knew she had given him such a thing.
Still he tries to escape, maybe his heart is not in it, maybe he can’t, either way he’ll keep trying, because she isn’t joining him in that desolate place they call love.
She or he or it is calling me
Calling me away from all of you
Calling me to my own world
Whether it be alive or dead, I feel the pain pulling at my heartstrings
Telling me, it is time, they do not need you
Is this the call of the devil
The call of the dark side
Or is this the call of a higher power
The call of the master being?
Am I to answer, am I to stay
Is it just pure motivation to succeed?
Someone or something is calling me
I am stood by the phone watching it ring
Decisional Paralysis, wonder if it is a real thing
I just called to check in and realised I’m not done with this,
But I’m walking away and I’m not looking back
I’m so fed up with the answers that I lack
I tried so hard to escape from this trap
I don’t know what to do anymore
I need to be free of this torment, this unfinished business
To me this is hell, not being able to be who I am around you
To me this is pain, feeling I’m not needed or wanted
Just wish things were different but I’m going
But I’m not done with this, I know
I feel the world pulling me away from here
I feel the pain of solitude surrounded by people
Music keeps me alive
I want to be free of all stress and pressure, but can only gain such a small reprieve
Emotionless is not something I could understand
I seethe with passion, pain and pulse with fear
This is not unusual, this is just me
I wish I could function this into something to draw her near, whoever she might be
I’m just clutching at half cut straws
With my almost sober disposition and lack of finesse
I can only dream and dream I shall
For fear of losing all hope
So these urges that keep pulling me away from here
Keep on keeping me dreaming of her
Whoever she may be
I’m trying, I won’t give up, maybe I just need a little help
Pull a little harder?
Maybe two of you are pulling me in opposite directions
Maybe I’m gluing myself here for some reason
Keeps pulling me away
I am but a very young man, but I think all in all most of us are just waiting for death
I have ran myself through the delights and disasters of drugs
I’m no smack or crack or head but I have expanded my mind, reach states of pure euphoria and become numb
I have made mistakes
I have cried, tears of sadness and tears of joy
I have seen the slow coming of death for an old man who had long since given up
I have heard of a life cut so short more than once
I have watched people hurt each other
I have seen how people can hurt themselves
I have laid awake at night long ago and hurt myself
I am now not one to partake in this pain
I just wait for death
Some people would wish it upon me, or at least for me to suffer
I would wish that I could make my mistakes less damning, that they would cause less harm
They have hurt me in a way not even the best can repair, only me
I fear I cannot heal
I fear I cannot control what will happen to me
I am not afraid, but I am alone
People will stand by me
But they cannot help me, they can only soften the blow when it comes
I just wait for it
I have very little to lose after all
I have narrowed them down to as few as is true
Taken people once great and made them small to me
I have lost some of the best but for a good cause, my cause
I have tried to keep face when things look bleak and not show what goes on inside
There is a girl thousands of miles away, she doesn’t run
She is there on the outside looking in hoping to join me someday closer inside
There is a girl in the very centre
So afraid, so hurt, that I am holding a light for hoping she will be safe
There are people all around inside
They are expecting and fleeing
Leaving me in the middle
They don’t mean to but they don’t know how I feel
Am I wrong to expect them to understand that this is just me
Inside, watching them all flee
Some will stick around the centre, a core
A core of comfort, because they know, probably even more than I do, who I am
I want to fix this, I want to fix me, I want to help her fix it
But I cannot, I don’t know how except music.
Music I do know, so lets hope music can fix it for me.