every day is a school day ….

So I haven’t wrote for a while on my blog, I have been working on what I share, I can imagine some might think I have in the past shared too much and though I don’t regret it, I can definitely see that it isn’t always a smart move. I try to be as open as I can, more for myself than anyone else. Hoping it allows me to heal and progress within life.

I had some good advise a while ago from a friend, don’t rely on one person too much, always have multiple people to go to. I still find this difficult to practice but I do think it was wise and sound advice. I rely on one person a lot, they are my rock, but they aren’t always available, as is nobody. I often find myself needing them when they can’t be there or when they have gone silent for a while. I still find it difficult as even though I do have others who can help, nobody quite to that level. So this was where I turned to, the online void if you will. I write to get if off my chest because it’s not easy to share to someone outside that one person who you feel you can talk about almost anything to.

Here I am vaguely rambling on because I need to, there is too much to think about, the booster has knocked me for six, I think I’ve fought it off so I will be better tomorrow. My mind is racing, I don’t know what is going on with me, whether it is anxiety worse than i’ve ever had, depression, a combination of the two, a more complex condition, a combination of everything, possibly stress. I don’t think I’ll ever fully understand it, I’m tired of fighting, I have struggled for a while and certain things have not gone my way, it’s not all been bad but I now think I just want to stop time, life is going at 200 miles an hour and I’m stood still watching it slip away.

When one piece of the puzzle remains, it will become the steepest climb, the toughest test so that when you reach the summit, you will feel like you have earned it. This I feel is how it is for me, I’m just too tired to face that climb right now, life goes only one way and I wish sometimes I could go back just to rest in an easier section, though I don’t doubt I thought it was hard at the time.

They say you are not alone, I never felt like i was, I am lonely though, even surrounded by friends and family, I don’t quite understand where that comes from, maybe we live in an age of ultimate connectivity but in essence we are so detached.

Thanks for reading

Pixc

December 28, 2021 | Categories: Life | Tags: alone, anxiety, connectivity, depression, detached, Life, lonely, time | Leave a comment