If I had x Million pounds? The house

So after speaking to someone i used to know, I was sat here thinking about life, one of my favourite topics of conversation is the dream of “If I won the lottery?” I just love thinking about what I would do if I won X millions of pounds or even the incremental wins that can be possible through it. It has been running down rabbit holes looking at houses I’d buy, planning that ultimate man cave or gaming den for the house and thinking about the places I would go and see.

I figured why not share this conversation on here. A what if piece if you will. I can look back on it in years to come lottery win or not and laugh at what I thought I’d do or if any of it happens without a lottery win.

Let’s start with living arrangements. I think I’d likely get a bigger place, somewhere near home big enough that friends or family can stay when desired. Same but in a warm country or aboard somewhere, a villa with a pool. The place i own might be put to some use as rented to a friend or if I am dead set on a place abroad just a base to use when i come home for a bit. I just envision me living in a warm place or Canada but realistically i will probably want to stay close to friends and family.

With that said I see a decent sized place, but not massive. I’d like three bedrooms, but hopefully some flexibility in case friends want to stay over. I’d love to have a library/study type room, with wall to wall books on at least two walls and a corner with a recliner and side table, a desk in the middle with a chair maybe. I’ve recently found the discworld series.and said to friends even though i struggled to read them the audiobooks are amazing, I would love to own them all physically. I reckon i could easily fill a room with books i have read or want to read in there. The next room I have often planned out is of course the gaming room, man cave or den. I see this as the main focus or sink for money, I see it split into sections and I know the average rich person or dreamer will know exactly where I’m likely to be going with this.

I want a bar. I like my rum and making cocktails, partly due to one of my best friends being a whiz with them. I want this to have a pool table near it though as I wish I appreciated my pool table in my youth. I dream of getting a dining room pool table if needs be but if I have the space to having a dining room elsewhere, bring on the constantly setup table! I then am torn with the exact details of a gaming section. I recently got into a card game called Doomlings and I’m currently getting introduced to DnD. I have seen an amazing DnD table online that I’d love to have room for in this ideal house. I could seee myself having a cinema setup, not only for gaming but movies and tv shows too. I long for a night cuddle up with that special someone watching our favourite shows on the big screen, long way to go on that score though. I used to marvel at the console collections people had in shelving units and I’d be remiss if I didn’t get a little retro gaming in this room. I picture at least a SNES, Master System, PS1/2 and 3 in this setup and having been mulling over my favourite old playstation games I’d love an arcade version of point blank, maybe i could have an arcade machine with point blank, metal slug and a couple of other arcade titles, i was never big on arcades but it would be fun to have in the room. I then spotted a Doctor Who pinball machine online, being a massive Dr Who fan that seems perfect to add into the mix. I can’t finish off without mentioning art, i have some pieces that will still be with me no doubt and i expect to add with more doctor who, borderlands and other art work. With a dedicated gaming space I can go nuts.

I think with the top priorities out of the way, the conversation could turn to practical stuff. I’d like at least two full bathrooms with maybe a separate toilet. I would like a decent size kitchen but not too big, it seems a waste of space to have a massive one. I would like a studio space for my music production with some sort of alcove for recording my handpan in a nice setting. I see so many players online with amaing rooms to record their playing in, my place just looks so average and dull, maybe one day I can tweak it. Then outside I’m not too fussed for a garden, I’d potentially want an entertaining space and could be persuaded to have a hot tub but I want something easy to maintain. I think for now I’ve rambled on enough but let me know in the comments if you can relate or you want to share your own dreams if you won big money!

I may do more beyond living arrangements i didn’t expect it to be so long!

Thanks for reading,

Pixc

Enough is enough!

Deep within a crescendo builds, a well of emotion dangerously pushing him to his limits.

He doesn’t understand it or know what to do with it

And no matter what he thinks he doesn’t feel like it’ll be enough.

All the thoughts he let’s have their time, driving his mind to the edge of the line.

He learns to train the mind but then loses his way, the thoughts take over again.

He never wanted his life to be this way constantly living in fear

Constantly wonder if she will ever appear

Wondering is this it, what he is meant to do

Just sit in front of the screen doing the shit nobody else can be bothered to do?

Only allowed to progress if he ticks a few boxes

Keeps pestering for more even though he is told to wait?

Always just a little shy of enough.

Enough is enough, it’s time for a change!

New Year, new plan??

So for those who haven’t heard, I am no longer a part of the awesome Real Rasslin. An opportunity was presented to me to back away at the right time and with some feelings of stress and a chore like attitude creeping in I decided it might be wise to reflect on what I want to do with my time. I enjoyed all my time with Real Rasslin and I know the door isn’t closed completely on either side really. I am currently back to purely watching NXT, with AEW and WWE sometimes drawing my attention. I may post tiktoks from time to time on wrestling but I am not promising anything wrestling related going forward.

So what’s next for Pixc? I have been streaming again over at twitch.tv/alwaysmutetheweirdo so please feel free to check that out, no schedule at the moment so following and hitting that notification bell is the best way to find out when I’m live, or follow me on Twitter @djpixc.

I am thinking of ironing out some sort of rough schedule, I learnt a little about discipline in my time with Real Rasslin but it’s a lot harder to stick to plans when you are your own boss so to speak. I have thought of doing short clips on tiktok and some unedited streams on YouTube along with maybe clipped highlights I can rip from my ps5 sessions. I have setup a streaming list of games on my steam account of stuff I’d happily stream. I have a save on Fifa 22 where I created my own club, Moldgreen and figured it might be fun to do some clips from that save. I often shout at my TV as i play fifa which might make for good viewing is one of three reasons i started a YouTube channel. The other two being my COD rage and my music stuff. None of which has been fully realised since likely 2014, my estimated founding.

Honestly I am just typing this as I am wide awake and should really be tucked up in bed asleep ready for another day of work tomorrow. I got the bug to make noise and after a very short stint in Ableton around 30 minutes ago I decided to write. So before we hit midnight, a little note for myself, do something productive as often as you can. Whether it is domestically, creatively or physically, make a conscious effort to do something that you might not normally do. Not a new years resolution, just a plan, a decision designed to encourage growth and change.

Thanks for reading

Pixc

People Suck

I have something I need to go off my chest today, I’ll start by sharing something positive because I think this might come across rather negative and I am after a rubbish week, trying to steer myself into more positive thinking. As i say the week has been a bit of a nightmare, both work and personal issues have drained me and I posted needing someone to just be there and chat.

I had one friend message me and say they were in chat online if I was still wanting to talk, unfortunately I had a nap so I went back to them later to catch up, we chatted and as I say I really appreciate these things. Then two other friends offered to meet up in person over next day or so, so Saturday two of us went to visit the other who is also struggling, it was nice to get out even if the buses were hurrendous. Little things like this really help, it’s why I’m thinking long and hard about adjusting my energy I spend on people, I can’t stop caring but I guess this is the only way to curb the pain from not seeing or hearing from friends. So back to my week …..

I put my foot in my mouth so to speak at work and the relationships there have been a little challenging for me, I feel I’ve calmed it down though. Personally an old flame got in touch and it’s all a bit confusing or paranoid for me so that hasn’t helped either and someone who i considered a close friend has seemingly decided we aren’t friends anymore or is potentially taking a break but has apparently said some harsh things, i’m reserving judgement best I can considering as they may reach out. I honestly felt this friendship cracking for a long time so when someone doesn’t show any signs of caring to repair it, I honestly wonder if it’s worth worrying about. If they genuinely cared they would upon hearing I’m not in a good place maybe check in, I know I would and have for numerous people and this particular friend in the past, it easy to forget these things though I’m sure.

So I’m sat here typing away second guessing if I’m being too harsh but then I remember said friend saying to me “don’t let anyone tell you, you aren’t a good friend, because you are.” I then realise sometimes life becomes too much for people to see past their own nose. I’m no saint and I’m far from perfect but I’ve always been the one chasing, helping out, checking in and you know what for my own mental health and sanity more than anything I’m stopping doing this for people who wouldn’t do the same for me.

I’ve had a few “friends” leave my life for various reasons, usually something mostly out of control or none of their business, when I saw a video that shows you will out grow people who you are friends with for 20 years, it clicked, maybe that is it, they’ve just been living their life and i’m at a different stage in mine, so we;ve outgrown each other. I’ve connected better with other people and they’ve been doing their own thing, i’m not on their mind or in their thoughts enough for them to want to catch up and because I’ve spent so long being ground down by a lot of friends not just them, i’m tired of making all the effort, I’m a little sad to be in this place writing about this, but hopefully expelling it onto this page will help me make peace with it, the door will remain open but I doubt to see that person walk fully through it again.

thanks for reading,

Pixc

Circles of Confusion

I have once again found myself at the beginning or the middle, maybe even the end of another circle of confusion. I feel like I am repeating the same scenarios, it doesn’t matter that I am aware of it. I will inevitably end up back here again, because I have before, won’t I?

I have listened, I have learned but I cannnot seem to implement. I just end up in a haze of emotion and blindly fail to escape this circle of confusion. Like a mist it surrounds me at every point of potential progress, engulfing my senses and blocking my exit.

A slave to the knowledge of how to escape these scenarios, I satisfy my curiousities, pursuing them as furiously as I can, sharing my thoughts as I go, reflecting but not quite able to see through the fog. I jest that I am meant to be alone and wonder if in the dark is my place, ever thinking if it’s true why can I not just sleep.

Wrestling with my mind

Back again. I am it seems going through phases of wrestling with my mind. I recently found myself questioning my own feelings, I was so certain of how I felt and maybe i’m just tired of not being able to take any action around them but I started to think what if I have them wrong, what if I’m just as good at reading myself as I am at others, particularly women? If you didn’t guess from the phrasing, I’m terrible or at leats I don’t feel I’m good at it.

I don’t know where to start other than here, exploring what it all means, i’m currently ignoring any flashes of strong emotion because maybe i’m just having a spell of heightened emotions. I think i’m tired of all the pressure too, I’d happily take a cheeky win on the lottery so I can work on myself without time constraints. I’m constantly tired, falling asleep late afternoon and needing to squeeze in a tea time nap or do my best to power through to an early night, this doesn’t feel normal for someone at my age.

I’ve come to the conclusion that I can often overshare, desperately seeking someone to be close to but reality is I jump too quick or fall too hard or fast. I think this is probably pretty common, I wonder if it’s a dyspraxic thing, a condition I haven’t got a diagnosis for thing or just a normal thing. I can’t get a straight answer because it feels like anyone who says it’s normal might be saying that to protect me or not make me feel weird, I am weird and I’m happy to be so, just wish I understood me more.

So as I continue wrestling with my mind, you might hear from me more often. Hopefully I get some clarity. I could definitely use it.

Thanks for reading,

Pixc

Latest NXT review is live

Hi guys,

Just a short post to let you know my NXT review is live.

https://www.realrasslin.net/wwe-nxt-weekly-roundup-28th-july-2022

A pretty good show this week – JD McDonagh had a great segment and hall of famer Alundra Blayze showed up. Highly recommend checking it out if you haven’t already.

Thanks for your support!

Suffering in Silence

This for me is an outlet because often I can’t say what I need to. Sometimes it would be cruel and painful to say how I’m feeling, sometimes I’m protecting myself, mostly protecting myself but sometimes I’m protecting someone else.

I’m struggling I know this, but I’m strong enough to suffer through it seems. I’m trying so hard not to expect anything, trying to accept the way things are, Imagine the one person who is often there for you, they have a busy life, they can’t ever give you undivided attention, but they help you through everything best they can. Imagine you just want a little bit of time, not even undivided attention just a little time, you don’t even mind sharing it, but they push you away. When all you have done is patiently accept the lot you have been given because they held you up? How would you feel?

I suffer in silence because I can’t say, because I get a retort that states I expect too much, a reply that claims they just can’t be there right now, which is usually perfectly fine, they are going through a lot, they don’t want my help or my support, they just want me to leave them be. Again normally I’d be like well you know where I am? I’m suffering though and knowing they are suffering tips me over the edge and I feel so much worse, consumed by anger or really upset I lose myself maybe for a minute maybe a few hours, almost always until I’ve slept.

I want it to end, I don’t want to die, I want the suffering to end, I want to not care if they want me around anymore, so that I can be at peace, I don’t want to get upset when they can’t be bothered to make time for me, or they don’t need me to be there. I want to switch off from any expectations of others because it is my greatest suffering, because people are shit, people are not reliable, not even me.

Real Rasslin update – NXT weekly

Morning from your resident NXT Correspondent, my weekly update is live so dive in, the water is luke warm and the build to The Great American Bash has started!

https://www.realrasslin.net/wwe-nxt-weekly-roundup-16th-june-2022

I have to say it was distinctly average this week, with only one rant worthy moment! Look out for that this weekend, bit busy today so I doubt I’ll get it on our tiktok til tomorrow!

Here are a couple of articles you might want to check out too.

Our newest recruit has some stories to tell – https://www.realrasslin.net/pure-fn-carnage-the-biggest-mistakes-i-ever-made-contributed-to-or-observed-with-horror-in-wrestling-chapter-one

Vince’s secret is out it seems – https://www.realrasslin.net/vince-mcmahon-in-hot-water-as-wwe-board-investigate-hush-pact

Thanks for your support!

Pixc

Weekly NXT Roundup – stellar NXT Level Up!

Hi guys,

In case you didn’t know, my weekly NXT roundup is now live over at Real Rasslin!

https://www.realrasslin.net/wwe-nxt-weekly-roundup-26th-may-2022

I’d really appreiate your support and feel free to check out some of our other articles too. I’ll link a few choice favourites below.

https://www.realrasslin.net/mick-foley-to-launch-foley-is-pod-wrestling-podcast-with-conrad-thompson – Mick Foley is starting a podcast, click for more details.

https://www.realrasslin.net/ospreay-wants-to-face-home-grown-aew-talent-at-forbidden-door Who would Ospreay want to face from AEW?

https://www.realrasslin.net/pure-fn-carnage-the-biggest-mistakes-i-ever-made-contributed-to-or-observed-with-horror-in-wrestling-chapter-one Our very own Chris gives an account of his own mistakes

https://www.realrasslin.net/bret-hart-vs-moose A fantasy match up with our very own Adz on a pole, his favourite wrestler and least favourite vying for the victory!

Take a look at just some of what we have to offer, you won’t be disappointed and feel free to spread the word.