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unreciprocated

She is the light and the dark, the past, the present and future, but he is not hers, well not in the same way. He can’t see past her, can’t see without her, can’t see with her. He knows and he accepts, but still it doesn’t change, trapped in an emotional cage of his own making.

Looking back wonders if he could have changed the outcome, what would have happened, would they still be this close? would he be free? would he be with her still? What if rears it’s ugly head as always, all he wants is to step out of this, one way or another.

Another comes along, a chance to escape, he takes it, it was fake, not what it seemed, another mistake. Once again another chance to escape, once again, another fake, she was there all along helping him through it, trying to help him escape from her, is she who she seems.

They talk and he feels hope all the time, but always it is dashed on the cliffside as soon as he voices it, like she never knew she had given him such a thing.

Still he tries to escape, maybe his heart is not in it, maybe he can’t, either way he’ll keep trying, because she isn’t joining him in that desolate place they call love.

If you . .

IF you really like me then cut the bullshit I am too old for games

If you don’t want me as more than friend  then say, i will be there til the end

If you didn’t like what you saw, it wasn’t quite the peak you expected

Then jog on, I am worth more than that, you can find Mr Perfect elsewhere

If you tease me get my motor running then run away confused don’t blame me when someone else comes take my juice, cos one day someone will appreciate me and I will not hesitate to let loose, this was once for you, lady but you just couldn’r choose.

I hate the way that sounds I would much rather be sweet, but gals like someone who has a nobhead ish quality indeed, someone who makes them feel like shit not feel their in a dream

I was born to please one, but one does not exist so should I give it up and just look after me.

Met a lass from down south got  a boyfriend, but still appreciated me for who I am, maybe she sensed i was unlucky and tried to give me some confidence to make me plucky, either way I won’t forget, no go or not she made me think

I went out come home early, because like always nobody keeps up, saturday night the atmospheres sucks, just want me to come  out til something better comes along, whilst am wondering what the fuck went wrong,  I just wish for once my way, but never expected, so never regretted as I drift into space.

I ask all the readers to bow their heads in the respect of one, lost, tired of all the silly games.

 

Pixc

 

The evolution of WWE

Hi guys, I am going to delve a little into my own thoughts about the current evolution of the WWE landscape, I feel it might be interesting for people to hear what I have to say. First I want to say, I have been watching WWE since roughly 1999, I started later than a lot of my age group and have ocassionaly drifted from the shows. It is safe to say I don’t falter when people call it fake or staged, I know what it is and I still love it.

So the most recent developments is where I want to delve, I may draw on previous experiences, history may have some lessons for us but first let us look at WWE NXT. I didn’t start watching NXT from it’s very beginning I missed the Shield on NXT, the Wyatts, they probably inspired me to check the developmental brand of WWE out, I must say I am glad that I did. My favourite memories of NXT include a few surprises. Tyler Breeze with his selfie stick, a great heel who seemed to have a bright future, the problem for him, once he got to the main roster he quickly seemed to fade into nothing, his tag team with Fandango hasn’t been as good as it could have been, I didn’t dislike the pairing, it had it’s plus points but what did they do with them? I also liked the lone wolf Baron Corbin, he has the look and size that could work, but he is not being made out to be unstoppable like Braun he has been booked at least a little better since his arrival on the main roster. I won’t stop there, the women of NXT were by far the standouts, Bayley Sasha and Becky for me were just amazing, I was never a huge fan of Charlotte I could see talent but it didn’t stand out for me she wasn’t as relatable for me, I do think bringing 3 of them up all at once, although useful for a weak womens division on the main roster, weakened NXT a lot, the women left behind were a bit lacking, but I think it is mainly the writing for them, as since it is slowly improving again, Ember Moon is a really bright prospect who I think deserves the spot to take Asuka on next. Asuka is starving though and although Nikki Cross is capable, her current gimmick makes her look weak as a wrestler, or maybe it was the fact I just saw her squash an unknown on a road to a title match instead of build momentum against a member of the female roster we all know down there. NXT is shorter than the main roster, but this to means it has less filler, it is mostly worth watching, I skip a lot of the main roster when I watch, it is very predictable, I feel the fresh unknown keeps me interested in NXT. I want to see more from it though, why can’t we have a new singles title, the roster is packed with talent but only one title, how about an NXT  Rising Star championship, granted the name might need a little work, or maybe have the new UK Championship and Cruiserweight titles be sometimes defended or just shown off at the show, a piece of candy for the talent to chase, bringing NXT, 205 live and the future UK show to a merged similar but lower level of the main roster.

Speaking of which the new 205 live show is a home for the cruiserweights that WWE is capitalizing on the fact that high flying talented wrestlers are highly sought after by the fans, people love that stuff, guys like Neville and hopefully in future some of the other main roster cruiserweights will have another avenue to shine in, but having it on RAW feels like a mistake, Smackdown feels like a much better place for cruiserweights, AJ Styles is himself a former X Division member which as most will know was kind of like TNA’s cruiserweight division, well loosely. I have really enjoyed the rivalry between Diavari and Jack Gallagher, it is by far one of the more interesting rivalries in the WWE right now. I hope it pushes Jack into new heights, his unique character is really refreshing to me. I will admit it isn’t quite at the level NXT is yet, it needs time to grow and I think in years to come it will definitely get there.

The most recent evolution for the WWE though is the addition of the UK championship, with a view to adding a new weekly show created in the UK, this is something as a Brit myself, really get behind, though I felt the talent on display was somewhat saturated by bearded or moustached characters, they all performed well and I can’t wait to get my eyes feasting on a weekly uk show, hell I might even get myself down to the shows if possible. The thought of going to see a WWE UK Title match no matter who is involved is just insane. I have seen some stars of the future for sure in that tournament. I wonder though if the possibilities are endless, will we get a Sheamus vs Wolfgang or Finn Balor vs Jordan Devlin, heck even Pete Dunne vs Noam Dar, will William Regal ever pass on his brass knucks?

Anyhoo, any thoughts on the evolution of WWE?

Thanks for reading

Pixc

 

 

Just don’t get it

I couldn’t think of a worthy title, so that is just a sort of loose them to the rant I am about to divulge, for life is sending me the urges to write.

Life isn’t the worst it has been for me right now, but it might well be the toughest I can remeber in recent times, the hardest to figure out. I have a good job, as uncertain as my future is, through no fault of my own and my place and technology is somewhat in a good place right now.

Life just seems to be bringing me down to the darkest depths of myself. Every once in a while I get a repeat episode a reminder, I am not where I should be, a sinking, gut feeling that something is wrong. It links back to some counselling I had many years ago, circles and also is a similar feeling to when I was having anxiety/panic attacks after Doctor Who which I forced myself to power through as Doctor Who is my favourite tv show since I started watching it back at the beginning of Nu Who. Twice when I have been playing Prison Architect now have I got this feeling of circles, I’m not sure if it is anything to worry about but I am curious what it is. I am a very curious person, I like learning to understand myself, life in general but often stuff goes over my head because who is there to explain something only you can feel.

Stress, could it be just as simple as that, but lots of people have it worse than I, surely it can’t be that. When I add up all what is going on, it is no wonder I am struggling, but uncertainty with my job, women, the lack of, the lack of understanding and the luck of it all, a friend who is always there but can be really annoying but can’t help it sometimes, a friend who is hopeless at being a friend because he listens only to where his next bag of weed comes from, a friend who I know cares but our schedules rarely allow for us to hang out much, a friend who I am crazy about but know it will never happen, in all honesty the lack of interaction on my gaming videos or blog posts, the fact that the people I want to care just don’t seem to want to hang out or do anything and the people I know do care, I get fed up with, knowing you are addicted to playing games, but knowing it is the only thing keeping you going, justifying that if you didn’t game would you not just sit and watch x y and z programme, basically doing the same thing but not doing anything but vegetate. Knowing you have at least some modicum of musical talent but not being able to use it because in order to get the new controller you need a full time job and with one you have little desire to churn out track after track even a single loop is a challenge with the little time and timing your brain decides to give you, getting an idea late at night when you should be going to sleep. The list started off so small and yet now I feel I could go on forever, the lack of ability to feel like you can push your weight in the right direction, knowing some of the stuff you eat is really bad, but you love it and it tastes so good, or that the stuff that you know could help you tastes so vile, celery damn you! I am definitely not Ron Weasley, my emotional range is far greater than a teaspoon but damn it would be nice to just one or two days a week feel nothing but what needs to be done, what i am going to do and how it is going happen. I often fear I may share a little too much when I write, I merely hope to relieve some of this unstable mind so that I can right myself someday.

I hope if someone wants to share they never feel they can not, cos I would to bottle my entire life up forever.

Pixc

Welcome to the New Year

Yes we made it, 2017, a brand new year people, this is just a quick post to say Happy New Year, eager to see what 2017 holds, this is a big year for me really, the big 30 is upon me and I will spending my first birthday outside of england, far as I can remember anyway.

So what does 2017 hold for Pixc, well hopefully an Ableton Push 2 and some motivation and discipline to get back into making some beats. I ain’t making any promises I have claimed for the last three years at least that this would be my musical year, the year I take it to new heights but it hasn’t quite happened yet. I do hope that I can be a little more disciplined this year that’s for sure.

As some of you will know I am a heavy gamer, some would argue an addict. I lots track of time for the first time in a long time playing a game, Prison Architect, I just got immersed in the story, for a game that is essentially more about the building of a prison, it was quite a surprise. I looked at the clock to find it was 4am, whoops! I still think there may be a place for me in youtube or twitch to carve out some sort of niche for myself, but I’m less confident, it is tough going, if you watch me. Thanks for your support, it means a lot. I think focusing on one platform would be a great idea, but unforunately YouTube makes it really hard for a small time youtuber to make anything out of posting content online unless you are lucky enough to have tonnes of fans and well Twitch is very limited in who it reaches I guess, more people are willing  to have a youtube account and comment on videos, subscribe to channels etc.

So who knows what 2017 might bring, let’s hope it’s a good un eh!

Pixc

End of the Year

Hi guys, just checking in with my last blog post of the year. I haven’t wrote as often as I know some bloggers do, I like to think I wait not only until I have something worthwhile to say, but also until I feel the need to express or get something off my chest. This time it is a mixture of gaming talk, thoughts on my mind, a farewell to 2016 and just a bit of a ramble if I am honest.

I love to write, as many who follow my social media know, I also love to game. Recently I picked up a few new titles in the steam sale, still going on, may even purchase one or two more bargains before the sale is done. I got a variety for my every growing library. I would like to note a few, maybe you’d like to check them out, I know a lot of youtube videos on all are out there to give you some idea of whether they are for you.

Project Highrise, basically it is much like Sim Tower, build a tower block full of offices, apartments, shops and food courts, give them power, water and the like then watch the place flourish and bring you money, kinda neat.

Pharaoh including the DLC. This is a classic egyptian city builder, not installed this one yet, but I remember it of old, recently had a pirated copy on old pc, but when I saw it on steam for less than £5 I thought why not, I just love the idea of seeing all these games that I own in a list, be amazing if I had enough space to install them all to play at leisure.

Tyto Ecology, this I have watched some gameplay of and was keen to pick it up. Unfortunately I have not been able to play it yet, it seems to be buggy and may be broken, it is rather cheap but I will give it a little more time before considering getting my money back on this, it won’t work so pointless unless they fix it.

Nom Nom Galaxy, being a proud purchaser of a PS4 copy previous to this purchase, I plunged in on the PC version, I had hoped there might be some workshop support, but either way terraria meets tycoon games is the flavour of this soup space extravanganza.

The last title is Block’Hood a very unique “city builder” I use the term loosely as it is a neighbourhood builder really. I have only played the tutorial and watched some footage so far, but it is all about balance, definitely worth checking out.

A notable metion must go to Flat Heroes, a game I picked up not long ago to hopefully in time have four people sat either at my pc or my console, fingers crossed for a ps4 release where we can smash  all the worlds in a drunken night. For now I have to make do with a dabble on my own as Sony’s PC controller adaptor only supports one pad, erm what gives? I only have one Xbone pad for now, so it seems pointless to upgrade until I can fix both the lack of pads and the lack of adaptor for those, also seems ps4 pads don’t work well with the game.

So just a little of my steam sale adventures, for those interested I did pick up Lego Harry Potter Collection on PS4 and am trying to purchase A 3DS with some games but it is proving a mighty task!

 

Thanks for reading,

Pixc

Things will happen . . .

Things will happen, your time will come, just you wait and see. All the cliche responses I get when I get a little frustrated by the lack of romance or women in my life. My life was pretty rough for a while, well I say rough it was mostly self inflicted although I couldn’t tell you why, I don’t quite understand looking back, but the main thing that is missing in my life now, is a woman, someone to share my life with.

This is just my little rant about those phrases, my gran always said “Don’t chase women” I still believe this to be sound advice, but only to a certain point, I think once a women gives you some signals, if you don’t act, she quickly moves on and I doubt it is a good move to wait for her to do it all. I often got told you’re such a nice guy there is bound to be someone for you, well news for ya ladies, if all women are thinking that same thing, then there won’t be, someone has to take the plunge and not think like you. I have had some luck, I once got told a friendship that grows into something is a good way, never believed it but recently something came out of a long friendship, admittedly it now feels like that was a bad idea, but it showed to me it is possible.

Hung up on the same woman since about 7 years ago, but always knowing deep down if it was going to happen, it would have by now, we passed like ships in the night and though we may still be close, or were, I can’t help but feel we both fucked up with this one. So sitting content with  my creative juices writing, making music, gaming, doing videos without the obsession or thought of a woman in my mind, it get’s broken by someone giving me a signal, I jump on it, whether I was right or wrong to, she backs off claims confusion or denies giving the signal either way I take the blame, or rather have to suffer the defeat, while she either moves on or goes back seemingly without a care, am sure she still cares and probably suffers a little too, but I don’t know because communication was already mediocre at best and that for sure hasn’t got any better.

I am for a man of almost 30 somewhat young in my mind, in a sense of shall we say maturity, especially sexual and/or romantic maturity, but that is I think 50% true. I have a much older sense of respect and self that somewhat cripples the development of my romantic side. I feel there is a risk taker, charlie sheen don’t give a fuck twat deep down somewhere that would woo many ladies off their feet with my wit and charm, but my crippled confidence, outlook and  bitterness combine with this to create a socially awkward open book, as easily readible as a harry potter novel. I am a catch I don’t doubt, but it is the distinguished strange fisherwoman that rarely comes along that will find the beauty in this particular fish.

I have been told I need to spruce myself up a bit, maybe get some baubles to darn the old twigs as they don’t say. I have a way of words on here, but in female company, I stumble and stutter or simply stay quiet, until comfortable, then fall flat on my face in rushed conversation and foot in mouth syndrome, I kid you not, this guy is not as smooth as you might first think.

I’d like to think, as a result of my rant someone out there knows they are not the only awkward guy or girl frustrated with not being the all singing all dancing wizard with the opposite sex, that we might be alone, but we are not completely alone.