Allsorts of Stuff


Reflection, the end is nigh!

So, almost the end of another year, figured as I am still awake, a little reflection is in order. This year has flown by, I don’t remember much of the details, not sure if that is because of my foggy focus this late in the year or just that nothing much interesting has happened.

I did hit 300+ hours into Rimworld one of my favourite games ever now, what a beauty! I am looking into changing up my diet, trying to be healthier, mainly as I have put on a lot of weight over the last few years and would like to at least lose a bit of that. I did need to gain some, but not as much as this dammit! I also figure losing a bit will benefit me not only physically but mentally too. Owe that life lesson to Promoe – Fit Haffi Fit or something, great song, sure I shared it in another post.

Music was my goal this year, it has not happened although I did pick up a Push 2, which I have yet to dive deep into, I want still to get back on the proverbial saddle so to speak, of music production and finish some tracks, but it is not easy working a full time job and gaming when I can to squeeze it all in, trying to be more social too, last few months have been a success on that score spent more time out of the house hanging out than in a very long time.

Highlights more recently included staying out Christmas Eve drinking til 4am ish then not getting back to my folks til nearly 8am, doing Christmas Day on less than 2 hours sleep. To be honest these days Christmas just feels weak, nothing special. Sad but true I guess. Going to Egypt for my 30th was a real treat, didn’t do the whole touristy egypty things, pyramids etc, but for March, the weather was great, food was great, two amazing birthday cakes courtesy of Makadi Spa Hotel and the Thai Restaurant in the sister hotel.

It has been a pleasure to help at least two close friends of mine with their own life struggles, they have helped me in return too might I add. Much appreciated.  Through all the ups and downs of the year, thanks to all who shared with me, all that have lead me to it and to those suffering at this difficult time of year, YANA!

Thanks for reading,



Change is coming

End of the year is upon us, for me this has been one of the fastest, trying not to focus on the bad has been a challenge, work is uncertain, friends sometimes unreliable, love hard to come by. I know a lot of people can relate, music, is one of few salvations for me, i bought a new push 2 bjt am het to fully dive in to it.

Balance, discipline and focus do not come easy to me, i hope for this to change. One other thing tied to that is my diet and general health, i want to cut out processed meats, eat better and exercise more, but for me.

I could go on but i fear i would rant negativity and waffle emotionally, change is coming i promise you that

music, heart and stress

work in a place where they breed robots, to control the cattle, to the slaughter when times get together, life still rolls on, tease a possibility of me and you then i must come down, every song a pull, every realization it won’t ever be what i dreamt of, heart in a vice, mind under pressure, body strained, just words nothing i can say

Something new to watch?

So guys,

Figured I’d throw something a little different out there. I don’t know how many of my readers, people who just drop by or might read this one post and never come back will read this, but here goes. How many of you liked Heroes or Misfits or like something different, how many of you just want something new to watch?

Well if you haven’t already, there is a show with currently two seasons on Netflix and a  special is in the works. I hear that the writer has a third season being wrote, possibly even finished, but Netflix is not too keen on renewing it. I hope that this can change, I want to level with you, I want to be straight.

I was a massive fan of heroes, it did get overly complicated and I can relate if you don’t feel another show in a similar vein is for you. Hear me out, the plot is that a group of humans, are reborn as sens8s which means they are connected, in a sort of cluster which can share skills, I won’t go into too much detail but it is an emotional rollercoaster. When I first started watching it took a little wrapping my head around, stick with it, it is worth it in the end. I compared it instantly to Misfits and Heroes for it’s unique ideas, the show deserves to go further than the two seasons. I think the problem is Netflix need to see statistics and numbers, I’d even expect it may show elsewhere if not, but if you do have Netflix, please give it a try. If you like it, I’d love for you drop a comment on here or tell some friends to watch it, I converted at least one friend already to get in on it.


Thanks for reading,


Something topical, gaming for me right now . . .

Hi guys,

So as many of you may already know I am a massive gamer, whether it is online or offline, shooter or city builder, love to just take some time out and game for hours. I usually write emotional personal stuff on here, but today I wanna talk gaming!

So in my world of gaming recently, I have been delving into a lot of different games, but the first thing that came up this last week was a game I watched Stumpt play. Decksplash, yeah I had trouble typing that, felt as am sure you will agree like it should be called Dicksplash, well I listened to their thoughts I watched the gameplay and I thought, this is something cool, this could be a lot of fun, the splatoon mixed with Tony Hawks vibe really struck a chord with me. So I thought head to steam and add it to my wishlist. To my surprise however, I found this game has been canned, cancelled, they did 1 week of free access on steam, expecting to get 100,000 players in that time, if not bye bye Decksplash, well it got 36000 apparently, so no more Decksplash. Here is the thing, I had no idea this game existed until I saw Stumpt played it, I also probably caught that particular video of theirs a week or so after it was released, we all have lives ya know? So as much I agree a multiplayer game needs  a good player base, expecting it to happen by a free week on steam, not sure it was the wisest move, little faith in the project, little ambition to make it succeed. Time is money seemed to be their arguement but I have never heard of the studio really, I have heard of two of their titles, but this game i liked more than either, I think a longer time frame or more effort in letting people know about it might have resulted in better draw so to speak. I wish developers didn’t do silly stunts like this but a free week had I known would have been a nice consolation prize.

Onwards though, I still sit here with a sily long list of games to dabble in, across a few different platforms, blasting out the psytrance, going back to fifa, wrestling and borderlands more than anything. Impatiently waiting Borderlands next installment and oh let’s not forget sinking hundreds of hours into Rimworld, testing out the Alpha 18 unstable build, in fact I may go stream some more of that now.

for already uploaded content find me here:

I always appreciate people stopping by for a chat, so please do feel free to get involved in the chat!


Thanks for reading,


When she won’t cave

Do I stay or do I go?

I can’t give up, I don’t want to give up

Surely if it was going to happen it has had enough time?

But if the timing hasn’t been right, might it be in the future?

What ifs and but this and that, I’ll never stop hoping

If someone would just come along and drag me away

How could I even think that? Why would I even consider that?

I don’t deserve her, hang on a minute, she doesn’t deserve me

How could I even think that of her, what is happening to me

She told me to go, but she obviously doesn’t want me to

So there is hope, nope she wants something else, she needs you but its not the same

But I can’t it’s all or nothing, wait that is silly, would you not rather have her in your life?

I don’t know, Shroedingers Cat? Yeah exactly, we should try it, then I will know?

I didn’t last, I caved, I can’t have what I want, but I can give her what she wants

But never settle I said, never settle, I now have to

Where is she? Will she rescue me? Would I even want her to?

What kind of bullshit is this, wanting someone to rescue you from this?

How could you even expect anyone to be ok with this?

Also you try and try and try again, they don’t stick around or you push them away

So what that’s it, no answers?

Nope just question and you, focus on you if you can

Well that’s ironic



a short mind dump about where my head is at right now and kind of a conversation I have with myself often


Thanks for reading,


Something ain’t right . . .

So just about to finish my week off from work, well plus two days, it’s actually those two days that were more enjoyable, the rest of it, I felt like I mostly wasted it, but I got chance to game, stay up late, lie in, ruin my routine even though I said I wanted to keeep to it and try churn out some videos for my channel.

Admittedly I did get a fair few videos done, Rimworld has seen some serious attention again, which I must admit is one of my favourite games of all time, especially when you add the mods to it. Feel free to go check out my channel to see why.

AMTW Youtube

Aside from that trying to take steps in disciplining myelf not only with housework and general stuff, but my love life, is proving a tough task. I’m not sure if it is my dyspraxia but my emotions are strong and mixed, anger seething through but wrapped up in some kind of cosy blanket of sadness mixed with happiness and the ocassional sprinkling of excitement and dread, I can’t seem to chill out, I don’t want to be numb, but just once every so often I’d like a break. Hopefully have  some good news when I return to work tomorrow.

In the mean time still working on my discipline and routine. I want to get organised, I often feel like though I like my job, I don’t want to do it at the expense of doing what I love, gaming, making music and streaming it all. It is a hard nut to crack, I’m no expert and I’m certainly no Jack Septiceye or Markyplier.

So I keep learning from everyone I come into contact with and everyone I stay in contact with, I learn from my own experiences and try and reach the next level if you will,, the next success, soon one challenge might be complete one that gives a grounding from which to build. Discipline has so far eluded me, I want to conquer it, a song I find quite catchy has some wise words, uneexpectedly in it. About your mental health and physical health being connected, I’ll drop the video below.

Thank for reading!