figuring stuff out

Just feeling like sharing again, seems to always strike me when I’m low. I am trying to have a more positive space on another blog I’ve started following my journey on No Man’s Sky but I haven’t got round to fleshing that out yet.

So what’s on my mind? I think it’s purely the monotony of the daily grind, the feeling of two days flying by before it’s back to work. The thought that I have a list of fun things an arm long that I would rather do than work. The games I would rather play. I think it’s a fine line between that and sinking into a pit of depression. I mean is it fulfilling to sit watching tv shows, gaming and doing hobbies? Not really, it is fun but I noticed when I had all the time in the world to game, did I appreciate it much? Again, not really.

I’m currently in therapy and for a little while been working under Internal Family Systems therapy and it is helping me understand me more. I think sometimes i struggle but I am reminded, every system is different and I’m immediately back in the mode I used to take when meditating. I just go with the flow and whatever it is, that’s it. I think I understand why so many people struggle with meditation and now IFS because I feel like I felt the same way at first, I needed to know I was doing it right, I still get that feeling now sometimes and it makes having a therapist with me important to me.

I think my journey feels to be in a new chapter with this type of therapy, a new book of learning if you will. It was mentioned do you ever see your life as a journey and to be fair, I do. I look at my life and what I have been through and it is a bit of a roller-coaster, I had different stages which I can definitely see adds weight to that theory. I was told the new blog could be a way for me to look at myself in a different way and I struggled to see what they were getting at but I think it makes sense somewhat. I do play a certain way when I game, I always lean towards certain aspects of the game.

In life it is much the same, I am still learning but I can see bits of progress and hopefully I’ll enjoy this journey too.

Thanks for reading,

Pixc

Been a while – a little reflection

Thought I’d share a little of an update, I always feel like writing when my mood drops. It’s not all doom and gloom but I think i’ve just nose dived a bit. Lately work has been a bit stressful and I’m closer to finding out if I have sleep apnoea, it’s looking likely. I started using shut eye so we shall see what it brings up currently it looks like I only get max 2 hours of deep sleep at night and max of 5 hours light sleep, not sure how bad that is,

I have recently added to my household by picking up a jumping spider. I have always been a little scared of spiders until I found out about jumping spiders, I never liked the house spiders and was probably not afraid to get rid of them in the worst way until fairly recently, but now if i see one trying to survive my running bath water i usually try to rescue them with a bit of cardboard or a cup. Jumping spiders though I just find them fascinating and so cute, my new pet is a regal jumping spider. I decided to name him William due to a friend pointing out William Regal as in the former wrestler, I am currently awaiting his new enclosure which after a suggestion by the seller I’ve gone for a gold enclosure and will get two ladders for him to climb on. It is still early days for me but i’m hoping he is doing ok, he has been drinking water and being grabby as i see people call it online which was good to see today. I’m hoping to see him eat soon but i fear he will not feed on fruit flies, tomorrow i will try them one last time before looking for another food type for him.

In other news I have been playing deep rock galactic survivor which has been super fun. I am enjoying the Call of Duty MW3 season with my buddies and though we are by no means a professional clan of much skill we do ok and it’s been a fun movement. I’m not liking the way Acitivision is running the game, micro-transactions are one of my pet peeves in the games industry, as they use it to milk kids and gullible gamers in my opinion and people who can’t afford to spend that money. I think they are always overpriced for what you get and while I am often happy to support developers with DLC purchases, when a skin is costing me £17 i start to thinking they don’t want people to. Imagine if they were £5 or maybe a little more, wouldn’t more people buy them? It’s easier to drop £5 – £10 a month on a skin, than justify shelling out £20 and in one recent case they felt it was reasonable to ask for £34 quickly backtracking because of the massive backlash they got. I honestly think gamers should be protected from this stuff, Hell Divers 2 has been a massive success and so has Pal World both were much cheaper than Call of Duty and neither have a terrible micro-transaction model in place to my knowledge. I always said I’d rather have a cheap base game for all Call of Duty with DLC at a reasonable price adding new maps primarily. I like we get the maps for free at the moment but if they want me to buy skins as DLC I need the cost to reflect the value it brings, which honestly is very little.

Aside from that I’m looking forward to some new games in the next few months. I think WWE 2k24 should be worth a try but you always hear bad things and I’m honestly fed up of buying the same shit, so the Wrestlemania history angle has sealed it for me. Hopefully they can come up with something good for next year too. I’m tired of micro-transactions or the grind in the WWE2k23 myFaction mode too now. I think they charge too many credits for the packs for no reason other than artificially trying to make the game last longer and attempt to milk the customers for more money. Where as if the cost was lower they would sell more. I guess youtubers and the banks of mum and dad are keeping this model alive. I love the concept of the mode but the scummy tactics for spending in it do irk me somewhat.

I think I have a few titles I’ll be streaming when they drop which will be nice. Synergy, a survival city builder has a demo out but is expected in Q2 2024, a slight delay after feedback i expect. Gatekeeper a rgoue-like top down shooter i tried is stated for April 2024 release too. I am hoping Galacticare releases as expected in Q1 2024 but with no update on that time frame it may be pushed back. Ultimately though, my most anticipated release it Chef RPG, no idea when that will arrive but I hope to get my hands on it as soon as possible. In the mean time Coral Island fills that space of my gaming tastes. I am expecting a little cash to come my way in the next month so I may pick up some new titles from my wishlist when it does.

Think i’ve thoroughly rambled on enough, I will try to share more posts but for now i’ll leave you with a rum channel update, I posted a new video on Duppy White rum, but hope to get more content uploaded soon, I am slacking in that department as I’ve been less interested in drinking it lately, there seems to be a battle of being more healthy and losing weight against enjoying life going on for me at the moment, as i’m sure many also have!

Tatty bye

Thanks for reading,

Pixc

Steam NEXT FEST

Hi guys,

Just thought I’d drop some thoughts on this week’s NEXT fest currently running til Monday on Steam. I’ve tried some of the demos both offline and on my twitch channel. http://www.twitch.tv/alwaysmutetheweirdo where some footage will still lurk.

I have to say I picked out some titles but was expecting to see more that instantly popped out at me. I had doubts about my 1st game I tried. Lightyear Frontier is a crafting game that made me think of No Man’s Sky as the landscape looks great and the mech that you wander round in is an interesting twist. So far I haven’t done much but I enjoyed what I played and it’s out pretty soon so worth a look if you want a new game in the next few months.

I have tried several more titles and the first one I saw on the streams was Gatekeeper and I left it til late in the festival to try, what a mistake that was. This title is just awesome. I enjoy the whole atmosphere of the game and managed to complete a run after failing to complete my 1st runs with the 1st character which i honestly preferred. I can’t wait to get my hands on the full game. I’ll admit I do seem to be liking the bullet hell genre a lot and top down game play too.

This brings me on to a couple of other titles I recommend trying. Nerd Survivors and Maniac. The former is a bullet hell survival game which I only dabbled a little with but got the general idea and while it might not be a must buy for me, I’d add to my wish list and see where the price lands. The latter was a top down GTA London style rogue lite, where you initially play as Bad Santa, causing havoc, murdering people and wrecking the place. The aim is to survive the onslaught of law enforcement chasing you for 30mins, although it says the demo lasts only 15minutes, I’ve yet to find out the end result as I struggled with the controls. It was a lot of fun though and I recommend trying it for yourself.

Two titles I tried felt like Banished clones, not saying it is a bad thing either. United Penguin Kingdom and Settlements Rising are two very different titles but both seem to have great charm and I enjoyed playing both. I think a penguin themed city builder seems a bit gimmicky but so far it is well polished and though I only went through the tutorials I would consider picking it up and playing it out in more depth. Settlements Rising is a more traditional city survival game, like Banished, The art style is more colourful and possibly cartoon like but it works. I will likely try squeeze a bit more time in with this one tomorrow or pick it up on sale someday.

I have four very different and interesting titles to share with you next. Firstly let’s discuss Kamaeru, a conservation themed game where you breed and look after frogs in a wetland setting. I saw this in the early streams of NEXT Fest and was intrigued. I did enjoy the game and would consider picking it up but was a little disappointed the frogs were just different basic patterns and colours not based on real life frogs. Not sure if this was done for simplicity and ease of creation but it would have been more appealing with real life frog breeds. Maybe they could be added but i doubt it. otherwise an interesting title.

Helskate was another title I tried out and if you loved Tony Hawks back in the day this is definitely worth trying out and mostly likely picking up when the time comes. You have your traditional skating gameplay which seemed as solid as the old games if I remember right but then you have enemies to fight too. It adds a little something unique to the game and it seems to work.

If you like platformers you might wanna check out Biogun. I enjoyed what I played but I’m not a huge platformer fan. The story seems to be about a dog virus that is heavily inspired by Covid, you control a dog that has gone into your own named dog’s blood stream or whatever to fight the virus, it had some humour to it for me and the mechanics seemed pretty straight forward.

Rotwood is the last title in this section I want to discuss. A rogue like from the makers of Don’t Starve and Oxygen not Included. I thought this was pretty well put together, I particularly liked the premise that when you go out on your run someone follows overhead in a chopper to explain how you get back to base when you get downed, often this seems glossed over in these sorts of games. I can definitely see me playing a lot of this when it comes out and the art style was pretty cool. Worth a look if you are into rogue likes. Unfortunately no release date is announced at this time though.

I wanted to throw in a couple of meh titles. Some that didn’t quite hit the right notes for me, so here you go. Plum Grove, I’m not going to sit here and slate this game, because there was still a lot to like about the short amount of time I spent with it, but graphically the way this is set up doesn’t do it for me. It sits in an over saturated market of life-sim, farming games that contain Stardew Valley and Coral Island along with many other well put together games. I liked the art style in general but the perspective and way you farm or as far as I could tell anyway just felt weird for me, it’s like a 2.5D kind of vibe, i did find the 2D character movement amusing though. If you love life-sims or farming games I still think it’s worth checking out, see what you think of it for yourself.

Next I would have to mention News Tower, I wanted to love this game and I think in time I still could but the small screen and tiny font I had to work with makes it very difficult to enjoy this one. I love the premise and the mechanics seemed solid but I need a lot more time with it to fully appreciate if it would work for me. Maybe my resolution settings were wrong or they could add interface size settings to help. I am going to watch some gameplay from someone on YouTube and see if that can help in the meantime but fair warning the font is tiny so maybe it isn’t for you?

Before I leave you I have one more game I’ve tried so far, the demo arrived before NEXT fest and I am so glad it did. This game was in my most wanted for this year and finally I got to try the demo. It’s Synergy! With it’s Moebius art style and interesting additional mechanics to gameplay I would otherwise liken to Pharaoh it just does it for me. I got almost to the end of the demo content but stopped short and have yet to reviist it for the finale but have seen gameplay from others online. I just can’t wait for the full release and if you like city builders and want something different I’d definitely recommend checking this one out!

Well if you made it this far, thanks for reading. I will hopefully do more gaming posts on here in the future so feel free to drop me a follow and if you want to see what videos I put it out sproadically, find me on YouTube under NorochMusic

Thanks again,

Pixc

what games am I looking forward to in the next year?

Well I thought I’d write something a little different and share with you my current most anticipated titles as we near the end of 2023. Most will likely release within the next 6 months, but some don’t have actual release dates or time frames yet. In no particular order they are . . .

Deep Rock Galactic Survivor

I tried this game at a recent NEXT FEST event through steam, the demo looked solid and the bullet hell reimagining of Deep Rock Galactic which I already enjoyed both on console and PC is a refreshing and enjoyable take on the dwarven mining experience. Fend off hordes of enemies and complete objectives in a top down bullet hell kind of game!

Chef RPG

I’ve watched Sharky games with envy as he plays an early unfinished version of this game and have enjoyed watching the developer diaries on YouTube. It’s basically a similar game to Stardew Valley and Coral Island, the latter of which I am currently very into, streaming it regularly on my twitch channel. I just love the idea of a restaurant business being thrown into this type of game. It has my attention and I can’t wait to play!

Synergy

This game has been on my radar for a while, i just loved the art style and it feels very unique from what I have seen. It seems to be a mix of a city builder/settlement survival kind off game, kind of like banished but more alien or post apocalyptic. Very little info on this except a stream of regular adverts from Goblinz Publishing noting it is coming soon, just wish I could get my hands on it, expected release in Q1 2024 so hopefully not long now.

Galacticare

Another title I tried at NEXT Fest on steam. I love hospital based games, Two Point Hospital carefully re-imagine Theme Hospital an absolute classic and built upon it so well that I have struggled since to find any other hospital game appealing, this one grabbed me instantly, the alien setting adds another dimension to this sort of management game. I enjoyed the quirky title from what I saw and hope that it can at least provide an alternative worth playing in this genre!

Townseek

A surprising hit with me was Townseek. On the surface this did not look like a game for me, with a very cartoon childish art style but I loved the simplicity of the game when I tried the demo, again I think this was a NEXT Fest title on steam and I enjoyed flying the lands in my airship picking up items to trade with the various towns, I just can’t wait to see what the full version brings, scheduled for release some time early 2024.

So those five titles spring immediately to mind, granted they were all high on my wishlist on steam so it was easy to recall them for this blog. I do however think it is worth chucking on here a bonus title as there were so many I felt could have been put on the list.

Wrestling with Emotions: New Kid on the Block

Similar to Townseek in that it has a cartoony style that I wasn’t fully onboard with, this is a reality tv style wrestling game, where you play a new wrestler starting out! It is all about the humour with this title and the game when i tried the demo was a blast, I’m not going to be in a rush to pick this one up but I definitely want to shine a light on it for any wrestling fans that might follow my blog, as it is an interesting game worth at least checking out!

So thanks for reading, let me know your most anticipated games in the comments and if you are excited for any my games mentioned here, feel free to let me know, or even if you had no idea about them and i’ve turned you onto something exciting!

Pixc

Confident Embers

There is a way about the way he moves.

He draws eyes

He even tries to bring people into his moves

But he feels distant, like a fire

Protecting both her and himself from getting burnt

Still hoping she will risk getting burnt

Because he knows once she does

That fire will burn eternal

Reality

He dreams of walking through some hills of Switzerland because he wanted to take her there.

He dreams of sharing that room in Egypt because when he had it himself it felt like she was missing.

He planned a life with her before he found out, he can’t help himself, isn’t that what life is all about?

He remembers her rejection, not absolute, just not what he wanted, he remembers what she said and did, wonders why?

He puts it one side, takes a step back and ignores the emotions welling up inside. He cracks, almost a little panic then explosion anger races out his mind, wait.

A tear falls down his side, weakness that he let anger come from her lies, let her in close so she could stick the knife in.

Contemplation drives him towards the trutb, understanding still feels moot, no answer will turn this water into wine, she lied.

Excuses forming, earache dawning on friends ears, we’ve listened for years for the same old story but enough.

You are enough for us, when she comes you will be enough for her, she is not here, she is not her, she is unknown.

Always

I always come back to her

It’s like breakfast in bed without both breakfast or bed
She doesn’t lock the door

Because she does it from far away.

Then I question what we are.

I always wanted more
I always accepted less
I never understood why I wasn’t enough
I never understood why it was never me

I still can’t walk away
I still can’t be ok with less

I still wish her my very best

Twice

Here he stands again, after being gullible once more. Realizing that the way others treat him means nothing major anymore, especially when it pertains to her. He can’t ask for more because she isn’t willing to give it, not because she can’t but because she just won’t. He doesn’t want to admit it but he’s known for a while, he just always hoped he was wrong.

She always had valid excuses, reasons for not being there when he needed her or truly present when she made that effort to call or spend time. She always had other more important things on her mind, in her life and to him, she was priority. That was his mistake not hers. She had every right to look after her situation, her life. He wouldn’t expect any less but it doesn’t mean it didn’t hurt.

Here he stands again, she is someone else. In the same day they both twisted a knife in his back without knowing, triggering a rage that he can’t extinguish without letting it flood from his fingers. This second one, she lied or rather the true reality was taken out of her hands by a cruel twist of fate, once again she has every right to be where she is, taking care of his needs in his time of need but those needs and that twist has opened his eyes to the fact that whether it is time, a broken heart or just a misunderstanding, it will be a long time before he feels like he should risk getting close to her.

He wants nothing more than to have someone to share moments with, every time he seems close to it someone breaks that trust and sends him rocketing up to that moon of rage, like a wounded wolf looking to re-energize in the dead of night he vows to never trust again, knowing full well he can’t commit to that thought, he needs the solidarity of a pack.

Where the fuck were you

Where the fuck were you my closest friends you used to have my back you used to defend.

Where the fuck are you, you seem too busy, you seem too distant, what did I do?

What happened to us why are you not around, have I upset you? what have i done?

I can’t change my past but i’m willing to learn so what can I do?

I’m not alone, i’m surrounded by friends

The people i love the most seem distant and cold

Some I feel just don’t understand, some I just don’t know why I care

I’m not seeing the end of this torment, or this pain

I just see endless torture because its not just my decision

Where the fuck are you when I break down?

Where the fuck are you if you need me?

I don’t know the way to fix this i just know it isn’t right

I’ve lost all hope that I will forget this time and feel a better life

Life is passing me by, I’m just hanging on

That’s what i’ll keep doing until i figure it out what is wrong.

Unexpectedly Stuck

It’s been a long time, no way I expected this

You popped back up and I thought I wonder how she’s doing, no expectations or lists

We connect and it feels pretty easy, conversation flows and I start to wonder

You acknowledge the past and while I appreciate the sentiment I’m still not sure

I keep to the caution but the optimism shines through and I can’t help but want to run

I get a glimpse of you and I realise there’s still something there

I guess I have to think now and decide whether I dare

My mind and heart are torn, I always rush so I’m trying to slow down

I’ve been hurt before and as you said, even by you

So would this be wise even if it your intentions are true?

I feel frozen and I can’t decide, I need a nudge, a clear sign

I look at another side of a different coin

One with a secret desire

Someone settled but turned on by another

All the while knowing nothing about how I feel

The other two know or at least they did

Maybe the lust clouding their knowledge in the poison mist

I wish for an escape from this tormenting game

I want to be free of the need to play it